I don port ooo *in my AMERICANAH voice*

I absolutely love the ‘I DON PORT’ ad… Tz a HANDS DOWN winner.

Just like I think Chimamanda’s writings are hands down winners.

I don’t see any other network topping that.
#bosstinz
But the quality of MTN is like premium CRAP sha. So like Saka, me sef don port abeg. But unlike Saka, I did the reverse. MTN has been taking the grandfather of all pisses lately, the latest being the total WASTE that was the case on my last modem subscription.
Aaaargggggh. It did hurt. Especially because I sacrificed something MAJOR to buy 8k worth of recharge card to subscribe. It did NOT work ONE DAY. My 8k down the flowing drain. I walked to Etisalat, made enquiries on their data plan and then ‘ported’. Actually I got a modem and registered a sim, not really ported. But after that 8k loss, I decided that once the MNP started, I would port my main MTN line to Etisalat. And so, Wednesday, May 8, I did a quick one to Etisalat in Shoprite and applied to port.
Woot!!!
I was delighted to get the text that said my request was being processed. Btw, just so you know, You can’t re-port till after 90 days so you gotta be sure before you port. Ehen so as I type right now, I am waiting for the text that finally says I can toss my MTN line into the bin of forgetfulness and insert my new Etisalat sim. I am actually really giddy with excitement.
So if you have that my MTN line, you gotta know that I DON PORT GO ETISALAT *in my Americanah voice*
Speaking of Americanah, Chimamanda’s latest book mehn… I can’t wait to lay my hands on it. I am such an unashamed fan of Chimamanda. I love that chic. I always google up her latest interviews both video and text and listen/read and LEARN… Chimamanda is a BOSS mehn. She is just herself. No pressures to be anyone. The happy African feminist loool. Please google her latest TedXEuston talk on ‘We should all be feminists’. I love how relaxed she was when she gave this talk, but I of course prefer the classic ‘The danger of a single story’. It would be hard to top that for me. My going aux naturelle on my hair has a LOT to do with her and of course TY Bello. Me, embracing my inner natural beauty. Whoop!!!
While watching her recent interviews on Channels TV about ‘Americanah’, I found myself answering her questions and correctly too even before she answered them.

Like when she was asked to summarize the book, I immediately said Chi can’t summarize her book. Like that’s practically impossible. And when my girl spoke she said ‘Oh Lord, I can’t possibly summarize any of my books’
#SCORE
Then when she was asked how she relates with her friends who do not read, I immediately said ‘This girl can’t have friends who do not read now, what will they be talking about? And my girl echoed same. She said ‘All my friends read. You can’t be my friend if you do not read’
#doublescore
This must have something to do with the fact that we are namesakes (Ngozi) and she is a namesake to one of my twins (Chimamanda)
Looool.
***************Meanwhile, update to this post*********************
I wrote this post on Friday last week. I applied to port on Wednesday. I did plenty of asking questions before I did. So I knew it would take a max of 48hours. Now more than 120 hours after I applied to port, I still haven’t been able to port. Etisalat seriously? Am I to believe that, like a fellow MTN subscriber who had come to port to Etisalat, ‘You all are just the same sef.’
The painful part of it all is the fact that I decided to put a pause on my bis subscription till I have ported. Now I feel so disconnected because my only source to the internet is out. I have called customer care four times and it has been an absolute waste of my time. One girl actually told me they are working on it even without asking me for my MTN number. And I wasn’t calling with my line.
And by the way, those incessant apologies are just irritating.
Seriously Etisalat, am I making the right choice?
Should I go ahead and subscribe to your internet modem plan?
Is the porting process this clumsy and slow?
Like Chuka, my friend who was a major part of that fabulous Saka ad, said, ‘from frying pan to fire’
Obviously biased Chu. By the way, mega congrats darling. U don upgrade ooo…
Should I just remain jejely with MTN? Ok this one is a big NO!!!
Etisalat, please up your game. Thank you.
Cheers’
E’