I’ve been wanting to do a post like this for a while but I keep forgetting. Well som’in happened today and I’m like ‘time to do this’
Not just for bloggers but for everyone really…
I’ve noticed something quite interesting on a few of my favourite blogs and then some random bloggers I bump into or on facebook posts. So you do this post and then you get all the positive comments on it. Then ONE negative comment. Maybe the reader doesn’t quite agree fully with what you said, or is a trouble maker and so is twisting your words/putting words into our mouth or is just generally being stupid because he/she has internet access.
Now you don’t respond to ALL the positive comments but tz that ONE negative one you choose to respond to?
Haba!!!??? Whatever for???
Majority of us are like that. Sometimes me too. We are not quick to appropriate all the compliments and loving showed us but when ONE negative word comes along, we suddenly respond and try to defend ourselves forgetting all the props.
I recall seeing it on this amazing christian blog I love and follow. Comments from here to Chatham house 🙂 were all positive and complimentary. Even I commented cos I loved the post. All of us got no response. I certainly agree sometimes you are too busy to respond to all comments but when you can find time to respond to the negative one, I bow oooo. Btw, shoutout to bloggers like Frances and Dr N and E’ 🙂 who respond to most comment not cos we are jobless but cos tz not hard to esp if you have the app on ur phone. Moreover tz not like comments are grossing 1000 yet. Me I’ve cucu stopped commenting on blogs where the blogger doesn’t respond. Especially when I am aware you can. Hehehe.
Or you put up a hot picture of yourself feeling cool on any public platform and then tz the person that talks about how your nose/leg bent that you now let affect you
Ok back to my gist.
So this blogger goes ahead to respond to ONLY that negative comment. Funny thing is no matter the justification or explanation, the commenter had her mind made up already. So she may have as well been ignored. You don’t have to have everyone on your side. Plus please everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Leave them to it so long as it don’t affect your making heaven.
I recall a coupla years back, I did a Facebook note on Pastor Bimbo post humous 50th. That woman led me to Christ and was the first foundation I had in my christian and relationship walk. I absolutely LOVED her so it burnt me when she passed. So I did a loveletter when she woulda been 50.
https://m.facebook.com/coconsofor?fref=pb&refid=53&ref=m_notif¬if_t=photo_comment
Wasn’t blogging then but I wrote Notes on fb.
That’s how a certain comedian appeared and was like women are not supposed to be preachers. God is a HE not She and plenty other bull crap sha.
I just responded that I appreciate his concerns but could he take his argument elsewhere…?
People sha generally responded to him and dude too was feeling important responding to the responses of people justifying his stance, gbagauns and all. I had to block him. He was taking away from the post. Then I thought ‘what if everyone of us, myself inclusive ignored him?’
I mean wouldn’t he have shrunk back into his hole. Why did we dignify his stupidity and ignorance with a response?
I learnt a lesson that day and resolved NEVER to respond to rubbish again.
And plenty rubbishes have happened to me since then. Sometimes I forget and try to justify my actions to one whose mind is already made up anyways. Then later I let it go. Waste of time!!! We really should pick our battles wisely. Yea there are some issues we may need to clarify but look at the other party. Do they seem like you wanna back and forth with them intelligently? Or will they just further drag you down to their level? Then do what is right. Simples.
So now what happened that made me remember this?
So I posted this picture on instagram and it auto published on fb and twitter.
I hardly visit fb and I’ve turned off all notifications too. I only sync my blogposts to it since I have 5000 friends there so it helps publicity but aside WordPress and Instagram posts, you will hardly find me on fb, whether posting or commenting. Funny I have two fb accounts sef yet I hardly visit. Gimme twitter anyday 🙂 🙂 🙂
Anyways, I visited recently and saw that my picture was creating a cool buzz. I did a general ‘thank you everyone’ response to the comments and likes, checked my inbox, responded to some messages, visited a few secondary school mates pages especially those who had just gotten married or had kids, rejoiced with them, and logged out.
This afternoon, I clicked a link on twitter to read a particular news and of course it opened with my fb account so after the news, I opened my inbox and saw quite some messages telling me to go delete a particular person on my page/post, go block him, go respond to him and warn him, don’t expose your pregnancy until you have given birth, uwa di egwu(this world na wah), evil people are everywhere, etc. Sha different messages from different people. All well meaning. So I visit my page to see what’s up.
Then I see that a certain comedian had finished me (and my husband lol) for posting a picture that exposed my tummy. And then people had responded to him, he responded back justifying his stance, some people also shared their own opinions, and so the back and forth continued. Choi!!! I’m like I WISH people just ignored him. I mean, that dude’s opinion was as useless to my life as anything so why should I bother? It didn’t matter that he was insultive sef. I just didn’t see a need to respond to him, caution him or block him. I thought ignoring him was the best. So again I commented ‘Thanks everyone :)’
Now that picture had well over 200likes and counting and then over 50 positive comments. Why would I, for the love of Christ ignore all the positives and start answering my brother with a strong unsolicited opinion??? Moreover, some people cringe at such pictures and indeed I am sure some of you read my blog, saw that picture and felt it was not really appropriate or you would never do it but without judging or saying anything cos hey, e no concern you. Funny when I showed my mom the pictures, she was like ‘Chineke, I know you will put it on facebook’ looool. I also know some of you saw it and said in your heart (and maybe to some people) ‘…And she calls herself a Christian yet see how she is exposing herself’ looool. Yup I know I got some haters right on this fab lane too. I’ve heard personally from them sending you emails and messages criticising this or that. No be today. I have heard Joyce Meyer talk about getting LENGTHY mails from people questioning her wearing jewellery, trouser,makeup or even being a female preacher. No be today jare. Nothing you say will change their minds or redeem yourself or actions so why bother? Moreover I posted the picture and neither I nor le hubs have issues with it.
Uti Nwachukwu said something once on Rubbin’ Minds I never forgot. He said all these people that drop hateful comments and stuff on blogs and other SM sites about you are faceless and in reality may not even have the boldness to talk to you. So just cos they have the advantage of anonymity or well protection and freedom that social media offers, they run their mouths and you too are affected by it? Abeg dude says he ignores them totally. I loved Uti after then.
So anyhoos, I responded to my inbox appropriately. Especially as like I said, they sent me the messages in good faith. But no long story. Just thank you for your concerns. And I won’t block or respond to dude. And that don’t worry, the ‘strong people’ of the world no fit… Hehehe.
Btw I did a post on dealing with fear especially of STRONG PEOPLE in pregnancy here. Feel free to learn https://eziaha.com/2014/07/03/brainwashed/
But to the brother, I absolutely ignored him. I don’t know him sef so why bother. Funny tho, someone pointed out something about him. Maybe she/he went to his page and saw him topless in some pictures and said ‘oh tz not ok for her to expose her tummy BUT you can expose your chest abi?’
I think dude couldn’t respond after that…
🙂
I would have ignored him totally but I just felt this post would help if I fully referenced the story.
One last story before I go.
I recall some babe I met off this blog. She had one issue like that sha so we got chatting on whatsapp. I advised her as I would myself and it all boiled down to ‘use your faith cos personally I can’t help’
Omo, na so the girl start to fire me
Who do I think I am?
That shebi tz cos she came to me…
I must live in a bubble… (had to ask what this means hehehe)
I am cold and mean and some kain bad bad tinz sha…
Even me I was shocked.
And frankly, I used to have a VERY bad mouth before I became REALLY born again lol especially in secondary school so I make a real conscious effort not to go back to my old ways hehehe.
So I just told her something like ‘…Take care darling and I wish you the best’
I think I even apologised sef.
I didn’t even block her. I just told a few of my people I shared the story with that she will be back to apologize. I had zero hard feelings sef.
Few weeks later babe is back with an apology.
I’m sure if I back and forthed with her, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. I just smiled.
Now though, I am VERY slow in giving my number out. If there is any issue and you send me an email requesting for my number or bbm, I politely tell you to mail me in detail and I’ll respond in detail.
Cool yeah? Hehehe
My darlings, pick your battles wisely. Tz not every thing you respond to whether on your behalf or on another person’s behalf.
Worse still, don’t ignore the positives (cos there always are) and let the negatives over affect you. Even the bible says ‘whatever things are lovely and of good report, think on these things’ (Phil 4:8) Fight to keep your joy cos there are some real haters and sadists out there.
And more than anything, sometimes your opinions are absolutely unwelcome. Keep it. So what you don’t like her dreadlocks??? Keep it to yourself. Except you are asked. No need trying to pass it off as directly from heaven. And even where you need to correct or address something, a lil decorum would be good. Nigerians sef, always quick to share unsolicited opinions especially but definitely not limited to pregnancy.
Choi!!!
There are some amazing bloggers I follow and some posts I am like ‘oh no she didn’t’ but I don’t say anything to her cos frankly tz no sin. Just my opinion.
More people should be like me 🙂
Have a FAB TGIF and weekend people
Muah
E’
I reserve my comments! My dear na dem sabi o! The guy is just an hyprocrite! I am in love with your preggie pics. Keep more coming. hehehehehehe
Lol.
Thanks hun
Choose battles wisely. I cldnt agree more. Biko nobody shld stress our oven and bun abeg.
Abi?
No stress jare
Thank you for this, thank you so much. And thank you for showing your belly, you are breaking down things that need to be broken down.
Some can. Some can’t. My sister will NEVER expose her tummy but really to each her own
I just taya
Do u know I was admiring the tummy when I saw it.i was like ‘ah no stretch marks unlike mine’. I have been cracking my head why someone will think it’s not decent. Maybe cos i’ve seen many pregnant tummy sha
My dear… people have their own personal convictions jare. Don’t crack ya head hehehe
And the stretch marks? Wish I could say I don’t have. It was edited out hehehe
Thank you! One question I constantly ask myself is “Bolaji, is it your business?” Once I know it’s not, I try to shut my mouth o! People can really be mean, but replying just gives them some sort of power; so no need.
Plus, God reveals Himself to us in various ways; so why should I shove my personal beliefs down another person’s throat.
In summary, if it’s not nice no need saying it. Shikena!
Some ppl can’t ask themselves that simple question ooooooooo.
Yup replying gives them more power so ignoring is BEST
lool haha I have enough things to occupy myself with already. i can never understand how people that do not pay your bills or that are not even close to you in any way, can start forming adviser over matters that dont concern them. I ignore people like that sha. There is this guy i served with, he is on my whatsapp. Biko, this boy is too negative. Whenever i change my pics, if its not my forehead, it will be something else (as if i even ask for his input). The same picture other people complement, he will put down. If you see his picture, you wont even believe he is the one having an opinion lool. i used to reply him with lol but of late, i started ignoring him and i dont get his usual negative input. Silence always work!! 🙂
p.s pardon my epistle 🙂 🙂
Looooooool
I know that kind
Hiss
Wow!!! Was speechless as I read this and had to read again for it to really sink. I loveeee this word ” Pick your battles wisely ” I have been guilty of these at some point in my life but I have matured and learnt that in life, people may not live or go the way we want but is wise to correct with wisdom and not pour out some much bitterness and hate. Some people can not deal with negative words. Just one negative comments could lead someone to unnecessary trauma. I learned alot from this post and it came at the right time.
Yes hun. Negative words affect but cos the world has some real stupid characters who don’t care, we have to find a way to rise above them biko
Hmmmmmm, this is deep, deep, and deep all the way. I can relate to this and I was still gisting and appreciating God about it early this week(got a facebook msg that I choose to wisely ignore). But now I have a deeper insight in to it. Some mail and msg are not worth replying cause is just plain time waster. Thanks E. Team fabulously Pregnant all the way. OYO to haters, smh….
Plain time wasting baby
Ignore…..
Choose your battles wisely…that’s a very wise statement and decision.
I like bloggers who try to respond to comments( especially positive ones) on their blogs.. it shows you appreciate those who read and leave comments. Ignoring comments and questions to me is a turn off..like they ain’t worth your time to reply.
Yes oh, social media had suddenly given some people the access to express unwanted opinions. Most times I just ignore…going back and forth with such people just saps my precious energy…Biko no time.
Yup
Love it when bloggers respond especially when tz not a gossip blog cos there may be no need to respond to those ones.
I had a similar conversation with my husband on Sunday, about the need not to even bother discussing certain issues with people whose minds are already made up and who usually see no need to change their minds.
The back and forth is unnecessary and totally exhausting, biko. More importantly, if it isn’t their business and my decision wouldn’t hurt them, abeg no point bumping on each other in our respective lanes.
People would talk, no matter what you do, so let them… freedom of speech, abi? When the Contrary Janes and Johns come at you with their negative opinions, water off a duck’s back, jare.
P.S. Your pictures look lovely. Nothing indecent about them, IMO.
Water off a duck’s back ooooo
Cos it gets exhausting to back and forth
Thanks dear
Kai! some comments can be so annoying but nice point, ignore with a cool comment. I used you as dp, thats how someone buzzed me to ask how can a pregnant woman like this be snaping dp…i kukuma had to reply with ‘shes having so much fun and at peace and he kept quiet. i felt like asking ‘hows that your business or sth mean sef’. Thank God for God.
Nah. Good answer. We should never stoop to a lower level. And frankly sometimes ppl speak in ignorance so let’s show love
Hian! *sips aloe vera juice* . This picshure that I used as my dp? *continues sorting beans for ewa agoyin*
Loooool Ada
Only you…
🙂
Don’t mind them
Its also very possible that the guy was rooting for fame now.write a ositive comment n no one cares really sgebi we r all trying to define our feelings with big English.but write something negative.the normal human will fly at it.same with when celebrities accomplish something great.only one or 2 media will carry it.but celebrities who goes smackaboo then irs trending on every Sm even serious international news stations.so the guy must v thot.how will I get ppl to know me.gbam post a negative comment.behold he got many replies and ppl even checked out his profile.so I think for him mission accomplished.some ladies I know read Lib for the comments because tz hardly praises most times.usually yabbies n they glare at it with glee laughing maniacally.however when ppl says negatives before or behind u.no sweats.Jesus the perfect being was talked about and even crucified.
My dear u have a point ooo
Strong one
Afterall many celebs came into the spotlight from something negative
Kai see why they should be ignored
As for LIB comments please don’t get me started.
I laugh sooooo hard choi
I personally dont post anything personal on social media cos I want to avoid annoying comments. but after reading this I might just post whatever I like and not care abt anyone’s negative or annoying comments. ….
av I told u how much I av learnt and keep learning from you, eziaha?
stay blessed
My dear just do whatevrr makes u happy jare not for anyone
Thanks for the compliments hun
Blessings
Honestly, I wish everyone was like you. First of all, I tweeted yesterday (immediately I read the post) that like you I never bother commenting on blogs whose owners never reply. I believe it’s common courtesy. Second, true, one has to learn to ignore some negative people. I understand that there are constructive criticisms, but human beings over do a whole lot. We all sometimes have concerns or react to our favorite blogger’s post or even actions by family and friends. But not every time open mouth and talk nonsense, sometimes shut up. Lol
By the way, I’m praying for you. I pray you have an amazing delivery.
X
Thank you for the prayers darling.
And yes there is constructive criticism. Then there is constructive stupidity 🙂
We know the one to ignore hehehe
Gbam! Tell them!
To say all the angles of this post is spot on, is an understatement. I simply wish all the people I could have shared the wisdom here, will read this.
Thanks for sharing!
How are you?
I am fine darling
Feel free to send them links 🙂
Ezi! L’oto u yaff change 🙂 Dis is why I like some kain customised trouble. ..*saves pic, uploads as dp n corks gun*
..nsogbu Di kwa …safe delivery
My own negative comment …dis ya king too chop *runs away*
Loooool at corks gun
Please spare me details if they are bloody ooo
Naughty u
Thanks for the shout out.
Meeen, d 1st time I got a neg comment, I replied defensively, then sent d person an email not to use foul language. Kai! Iberibe! I shd have just deleted it rather than d animosity I dug up.
I know better now.
Btw, u look ready! Lol
Learnt alot from this….not everyone deserves the luxury of my time and I cant fit be signifying stupid comments everyone especially when it’s Obviously stupid and unnecessary; as for the haters…. lol,if I didn’t have dem, I’doubt my salvation. They just remind me saved and am doing a Good job of showing it off.
Learnt alot 4rm dis,not everyone deserves the luxury of my time and I can’t fit be dignifying stupid comments and messages especially the OBVIOUSLY stupid and unnecessary ones. As for the haters.. lol if I didn’t have them,I’d doubt my salvation. They just remind am saved and am doing a good job of showing it off
I love this! Ah, I love it.
Wishing u save delivery ma’mah.