I’ve been wanting to do a post like this for a while but I keep forgetting. Well som’in happened today and I’m like ‘time to do this’
Not just for bloggers but for everyone really…
I’ve noticed something quite interesting on a few of my favourite blogs and then some random bloggers I bump into or on facebook posts. So you do this post and then you get all the positive comments on it. Then ONE negative comment. Maybe the reader doesn’t quite agree fully with what you said, or is a trouble maker and so is twisting your words/putting words into our mouth or is just generally being stupid because he/she has internet access.
Now you don’t respond to ALL the positive comments but tz that ONE negative one you choose to respond to?
Haba!!!??? Whatever for???
Majority of us are like that. Sometimes me too. We are not quick to appropriate all the compliments and loving showed us but when ONE negative word comes along, we suddenly respond and try to defend ourselves forgetting all the props.
I recall seeing it on this amazing christian blog I love and follow. Comments from here to Chatham house 🙂 were all positive and complimentary. Even I commented cos I loved the post. All of us got no response. I certainly agree sometimes you are too busy to respond to all comments but when you can find time to respond to the negative one, I bow oooo. Btw, shoutout to bloggers like Frances and Dr N and E’ 🙂 who respond to most comment not cos we are jobless but cos tz not hard to esp if you have the app on ur phone. Moreover tz not like comments are grossing 1000 yet. Me I’ve cucu stopped commenting on blogs where the blogger doesn’t respond. Especially when I am aware you can. Hehehe.
Or you put up a hot picture of yourself feeling cool on any public platform and then tz the person that talks about how your nose/leg bent that you now let affect you
Ok back to my gist.
So this blogger goes ahead to respond to ONLY that negative comment. Funny thing is no matter the justification or explanation, the commenter had her mind made up already. So she may have as well been ignored. You don’t have to have everyone on your side. Plus please everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Leave them to it so long as it don’t affect your making heaven.
I recall a coupla years back, I did a Facebook note on Pastor Bimbo post humous 50th. That woman led me to Christ and was the first foundation I had in my christian and relationship walk. I absolutely LOVED her so it burnt me when she passed. So I did a loveletter when she woulda been 50.
Wasn’t blogging then but I wrote Notes on fb.
That’s how a certain comedian appeared and was like women are not supposed to be preachers. God is a HE not She and plenty other bull crap sha.
I just responded that I appreciate his concerns but could he take his argument elsewhere…?
People sha generally responded to him and dude too was feeling important responding to the responses of people justifying his stance, gbagauns and all. I had to block him. He was taking away from the post. Then I thought ‘what if everyone of us, myself inclusive ignored him?’
I mean wouldn’t he have shrunk back into his hole. Why did we dignify his stupidity and ignorance with a response?
I learnt a lesson that day and resolved NEVER to respond to rubbish again.
And plenty rubbishes have happened to me since then. Sometimes I forget and try to justify my actions to one whose mind is already made up anyways. Then later I let it go. Waste of time!!! We really should pick our battles wisely. Yea there are some issues we may need to clarify but look at the other party. Do they seem like you wanna back and forth with them intelligently? Or will they just further drag you down to their level? Then do what is right. Simples.
So now what happened that made me remember this?
So I posted this picture on instagram and it auto published on fb and twitter.
I hardly visit fb and I’ve turned off all notifications too. I only sync my blogposts to it since I have 5000 friends there so it helps publicity but aside WordPress and Instagram posts, you will hardly find me on fb, whether posting or commenting. Funny I have two fb accounts sef yet I hardly visit. Gimme twitter anyday 🙂 🙂 🙂
Anyways, I visited recently and saw that my picture was creating a cool buzz. I did a general ‘thank you everyone’ response to the comments and likes, checked my inbox, responded to some messages, visited a few secondary school mates pages especially those who had just gotten married or had kids, rejoiced with them, and logged out.
This afternoon, I clicked a link on twitter to read a particular news and of course it opened with my fb account so after the news, I opened my inbox and saw quite some messages telling me to go delete a particular person on my page/post, go block him, go respond to him and warn him, don’t expose your pregnancy until you have given birth, uwa di egwu(this world na wah), evil people are everywhere, etc. Sha different messages from different people. All well meaning. So I visit my page to see what’s up.
Then I see that a certain comedian had finished me (and my husband lol) for posting a picture that exposed my tummy. And then people had responded to him, he responded back justifying his stance, some people also shared their own opinions, and so the back and forth continued. Choi!!! I’m like I WISH people just ignored him. I mean, that dude’s opinion was as useless to my life as anything so why should I bother? It didn’t matter that he was insultive sef. I just didn’t see a need to respond to him, caution him or block him. I thought ignoring him was the best. So again I commented ‘Thanks everyone :)’
Now that picture had well over 200likes and counting and then over 50 positive comments. Why would I, for the love of Christ ignore all the positives and start answering my brother with a strong unsolicited opinion??? Moreover, some people cringe at such pictures and indeed I am sure some of you read my blog, saw that picture and felt it was not really appropriate or you would never do it but without judging or saying anything cos hey, e no concern you. Funny when I showed my mom the pictures, she was like ‘Chineke, I know you will put it on facebook’ looool. I also know some of you saw it and said in your heart (and maybe to some people) ‘…And she calls herself a Christian yet see how she is exposing herself’ looool. Yup I know I got some haters right on this fab lane too. I’ve heard personally from them sending you emails and messages criticising this or that. No be today. I have heard Joyce Meyer talk about getting LENGTHY mails from people questioning her wearing jewellery, trouser,makeup or even being a female preacher. No be today jare. Nothing you say will change their minds or redeem yourself or actions so why bother? Moreover I posted the picture and neither I nor le hubs have issues with it.
Uti Nwachukwu said something once on Rubbin’ Minds I never forgot. He said all these people that drop hateful comments and stuff on blogs and other SM sites about you are faceless and in reality may not even have the boldness to talk to you. So just cos they have the advantage of anonymity or well protection and freedom that social media offers, they run their mouths and you too are affected by it? Abeg dude says he ignores them totally. I loved Uti after then.
So anyhoos, I responded to my inbox appropriately. Especially as like I said, they sent me the messages in good faith. But no long story. Just thank you for your concerns. And I won’t block or respond to dude. And that don’t worry, the ‘strong people’ of the world no fit… Hehehe.
Btw I did a post on dealing with fear especially of STRONG PEOPLE in pregnancy here. Feel free to learn https://eziaha.com/2014/07/03/brainwashed/
But to the brother, I absolutely ignored him. I don’t know him sef so why bother. Funny tho, someone pointed out something about him. Maybe she/he went to his page and saw him topless in some pictures and said ‘oh tz not ok for her to expose her tummy BUT you can expose your chest abi?’
I think dude couldn’t respond after that…
I would have ignored him totally but I just felt this post would help if I fully referenced the story.
One last story before I go.
I recall some babe I met off this blog. She had one issue like that sha so we got chatting on whatsapp. I advised her as I would myself and it all boiled down to ‘use your faith cos personally I can’t help’
Omo, na so the girl start to fire me
Who do I think I am?
That shebi tz cos she came to me…
I must live in a bubble… (had to ask what this means hehehe)
I am cold and mean and some kain bad bad tinz sha…
Even me I was shocked.
And frankly, I used to have a VERY bad mouth before I became REALLY born again lol especially in secondary school so I make a real conscious effort not to go back to my old ways hehehe.
So I just told her something like ‘…Take care darling and I wish you the best’
I think I even apologised sef.
I didn’t even block her. I just told a few of my people I shared the story with that she will be back to apologize. I had zero hard feelings sef.
Few weeks later babe is back with an apology.
I’m sure if I back and forthed with her, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. I just smiled.
Now though, I am VERY slow in giving my number out. If there is any issue and you send me an email requesting for my number or bbm, I politely tell you to mail me in detail and I’ll respond in detail.
Cool yeah? Hehehe
My darlings, pick your battles wisely. Tz not every thing you respond to whether on your behalf or on another person’s behalf.
Worse still, don’t ignore the positives (cos there always are) and let the negatives over affect you. Even the bible says ‘whatever things are lovely and of good report, think on these things’ (Phil 4:8) Fight to keep your joy cos there are some real haters and sadists out there.
And more than anything, sometimes your opinions are absolutely unwelcome. Keep it. So what you don’t like her dreadlocks??? Keep it to yourself. Except you are asked. No need trying to pass it off as directly from heaven. And even where you need to correct or address something, a lil decorum would be good. Nigerians sef, always quick to share unsolicited opinions especially but definitely not limited to pregnancy.
There are some amazing bloggers I follow and some posts I am like ‘oh no she didn’t’ but I don’t say anything to her cos frankly tz no sin. Just my opinion.
More people should be like me 🙂
Have a FAB TGIF and weekend people