Hi…
How’s everyone doing? Week went well? Me I’m still very excited about WAR ROOM oooo. Eez really shacking me. I believe the Kendrick brothers when they talk about how every step of the way they prayed and are still praying because only trailers and clips wey I see and my prayer life moved up several notches.
#ilikemyprayerlifelikemycoffee Or Green tea in my case,
HOT!!!
Ok on to the topic of the weekend.
I chanced upon a convo last weekend on the radio about the very important topic, friendship.
Several questions were asked and answered and then I decided I’ll run some of them here and answer. I feel very qualified to talk about it being that I am such a great friend and I have such great friends. Toot toot!!! That’s my horn.
And then you guys should please share your experience/opinion with me.
Ok here goes some of the questions/issues raised…
- So have you ever introduced two persons to each other and then they end up getting so close/along and fashi-ing you…?
Hahahaha. Has happened to me more than once. Infact, I’m a pro at bringing people together so I have lost count. One happened in The ‘Buj that stunned me. I wasn’t really close to either as I had just met them under a year ago but individually. I never for once thought they would get along because one even had attitude as I did the intro. Then, like a house on fire they started flowing. And somehow, I was left out. It was funny but I adjusted because they really needed each other and were single, new in town and had some other similarities. Once, I hung out with them and realized NAH, I don’t belong here. I dunno how close they are now but I was too happy for them and proud of myself because my hooking them up was deliberate hence I wasn’t bothered. There have been more sha but you see, I have a beautiful circle of close friends who are loyal to our friendship so hey, if I can help others find such good friendships like I have, why not?
That goes without saying that none of my really close friends have fashid me on account of another. Dem no fit. And I haven’t done that to any of them either. Someone like my Sapphire would hunt you down lol.
- Did your relationship with your friend change when you/she got married?
Hehehe
One of the reasons I couldn’t reeeeaaaallllllyyyy flow with the ladies I spoke about above were our priorities were different. They were both single and searching. Make we no lie, single and married persons MAY not easily flow laidat, not because the married lady is posing oooo, but because… well marriage lol.
That’s not to say that single and married persons can’t be friends especially when you guys were friends before the wedding. You can. If both parties are mature enough to make some adjustments. I have some really cool single friends and we get along fine. But I also know that some people just abandon you after you marry because they think you will soon cucu abandon them so let them beat you to it lol. Happened plenty to me. It was hilarious to watch, I promise. Even when they reach out to you maybe on BBM, they would hurry away because they KNOW you have to go and do something marriage related. Hahahaha. I had to make an effort to show some of my friends that I didn’t spend all day cooking, having sex, or just being a wife. Lol.
One of my besties, the good Doctor Valerie got married 18months plus after me.
We remained besties all the while I was married before she joined me. Nothing spoiled at all.
But there were some I couldn’t ‘save’ so our relationship reduced to ‘we are sha not quarelling sha’ lol
So really, a change in marital status can affect friendship either way.
Plenty wisdom needed.
- Did your friendships change after you gave birth?
Now this one is a big one because the truth is, your baby is your ‘oga’ and dictates a whole lot. Oh my life changed.
There are days I sit down and preach a good motivational Christian sermon to myself just to remind myself that I still have a life outside diapers, breast pumps, wipes, bibs and baby drools. There are days I just sit down on the floor and cry and cry. Lol. Close friends and even ordinary friends need to be a bit more patient because a baby changes (almost) everything. And frankly, the new mama doesn’t have power for ego trips and people wey dey vex. Lol.
Be understanding.
And you new mama, when you sef find time, catch up ok. Especially when some people have been real understanding. Which is why there are some friends who I have been unable to keep up with on SM, who I ring up once in a while and we have a good long chat.
So to answer the question, yup. Some people just fashi me totally not because they don’t dig me again but cos they feel I am eternally busy. Lol. Shout out to the amazing ones who holler from time to time. Trust me, we new mamas loveeeeeet. We really really loveeet. Sometimes we are too busy to flow for long but that thought stays in a beautiful corner of our hearts. And you checking up on us makes us still feel like a part of the human adult race. Especially on days when I have to think wella to recall whether I don baff and brush teeth today or not. Looool.
Special shout out to my girls Titi
and Chisom.
Oh these two ladies, though single have been Ah-May-Zing. Bless them. They never cease to ‘interrupt’ me in ways I like just to be sure I am doing very well. Kisses boos… I can’t forget you girls. Btw they are finer than these pictures but I wanna spring this as a surprise on them and these are the ones I can find, pele lol.
*side eyes to the friends who went awol*
You better go from there. Lol
- Ever had a friend who well, won’t be your friend?
Hmm haven’t we all.
I had this friend for years who I thought we were all that. Because I know she will read this and come and harass me, I’ll stop here. Long and short is it always seemed I was the one who put plenty in. Ground no level at all. So at some point, I let go. Now with her, I manage my expectations. So that I don’t feel bad if she isn’t ‘there’. And I know there are also several people in your life like that who won’t be your friend like that. Sweetie, manage your expectations with that person and define your friendship. Then run along and invest your friendship energy where you would actually reap results and be very appreciated ok.
Doesn’t make you any less important or special. Tz just the wrong person. Even if it is me lol. The right person will bring as much as you into the friendship. Nuff said.
- When a friend gets too familiar, that is ‘see finish’
There is nothing I HATE like see finish!!! If you do that to me, I move on and don’t look back it would surprise you. I also HATE to be ignored, oh my how I hate it. Don’t think, ‘…shebi it is Eziaha…’ Oh no please don’t evurrrr think that with me. When someone starts giving you the time of day, you respect that person’s time then after sometime, you let see finish happen? Mba. I ring you, you don’t pick AND don’t ring back? I message you, you don’t respond? Haha, no time sis. I’m too old for nonsense. Lol. You see me and my girls Eniola, Ayo, Priceless, and Valerie? NEVER.
Never never never never never!!! My mainest chics ooo but the mutual respect is on point.
No matter how close we get, still give our friendship the respect it deserves as I am sure to do too. Heavens know that I treasure relationships. There are some people who as a result of blogging give me access to them, I make sure to never abuse it especially if I know they are on a higher level than me. Infact there are some persons I deliberately REFUSE to get too close to even though they have granted me all the access in the world to them. Why? Because over familiarity can breed see finish and I have way too much to gain from them to let that happen so I keep a beautiful safe but loving distance. And me too I know how to not be all up in your face too much to avoid see finish
My people, be wise. Handle relationships and friendships with wisdom. You don’t know what you have got till it is gone. SELAH!!!
This is long enough. There were more like frenemies and co but I will stop here. Please share your own experience with friends and friendships with us so we all can learn, ok?
But before I bounce, happy birthday to my darling friend and sister Priceless, nwunye Nnanna Ebiri-Okoro.
My number one rants and bants partner lol. My ‘one phonecall away’ friend.
You are such an amazing woman of God boo. Thank you for being a great great friend. GOOD THINS GS baby, ONLY GOOD THINGS!!!
I love you muchos boo.
And happy birthday to OUR DAVIDA…
Our proof of God’s faithfulness and goodness,
and of course devil’s eternal defeat.
Happy weekend err’one…
Kilzes
E’
PS
Took out my wool hair on Friday and just look at that length and texture.
Once I am fully settled in Lagos, I’m going RED and locking the hair.
#Fierce #TeamNatural
Yay! I see my pretty self in this post! Whoop! Different people fall into different friendship bands o, its just the way life is. We even observe this in the life of JESUS, David etc in the Bible. May God help us to always recognise the need to reach out to someone and to act.
KD be looking a lot like his momma o! Better pikin! hehe.
Oh my
I forgot David.
Different levels. Find yours and stay there. Lol
Hehehehe! I laughed to the end of this weekend rants, Mama E! Ijiya, you’re so on point with the points you raised. The one that gets me most is no. 5, ‘see finish’ lol. I try as much as possible not to get too familiar with my friends and take them for granted and I expect same from them. So once any of them begins to feel they know me too much, I re-evolve to another me that they don’t understand till they either readjust or I keep moving.
One experience i’ve had with some friends is they’re your friends only when you’re at same level or attain same level of success with them, especially when they get there before you. They’ll keep their distance till their satellite tells them you’ve arrived too. E.g some will only maintain contact if they’re working and you’re working as well. I had such experience when I left school. I couldn’t graduate with my set from uni cos I had an extra year. Meanwhile my closest friend then was able to graduate, but she refused to keep in touch. She didn’t even tell me when she got posted for NYSC, I had to find out from other mutual friends. I’d call and message her then and she’d always form too busy. It’s funny now but then I was really hurt. Funny enough, down the line when she finished her service in Lagos and I was working in Abuja awaiting service, she became the one that was now checking on me and was willing to come to Abuja to hang out. Long story short, she’s apologised and we’re still friends today but that experience taught me a deep lesson i’ll never forget… some friends are just for the fair weather. They’re not frenemies o, they won’t backstab you but they just don’t have your time when you’re in need. They’re just great companions for the good times, lol.
#sorryforthelongcomment
The story upset me a bit sha and I was already saying I hope you moved on.
Anyways I hope she learned a lesson from your forgiveness.
THAT IS SOOOOO WRONG
You brought up something I forgot. Fair weathers. Had a ‘friend’ like that. Before I started work she was just TERRIBLE.
Need I say I didnt take that friendship seriously when things changed.
Tz really WRONG abeg
I don’t think I have the grace to relate closely with such people.
Sawry lol
#ilovelongcomments hehehe
Thanks for sharing
Biko Eziaha is that your real hair .shebi I was there when u cut this hair.hian I am very jealous right now o.friendship is wonderful.and E hard not to b Eziaha’s friend o
She makes it crazily easy.however Fab E z jus making my heard swell here o.m her “worstest “friend. But when I reach out to her.the spark z there like we spoke yday.no grudge,no malice,no montonous yes no answer.
Thanks Eziaha for been a wonderful person.muaaaaaaaaaaah
Awwwwww
Hugs
And nope u certainly are an almost PERFECT friend.
God bless you Vee
One nice lady I met in Church and did my best to befriend. B4 u know am, she begin market all this multilevel marketing. Bring 2 people and move up. Each time I suggested a fun activity she was too busy. I cut d cord, as painful as it was.
Today, I saw her and I just #keptcalm and kept walking.
If we don’t vibe, we don’t vibe
Hahahaha
Dr N ooooooooooooo
Looooooooooool. U don’t wanna epp someborry’s ministry okwaya? Choi.
Ok lemme rush to #MASL Latest and drop a ‘story’
I’ve lost friends when I started med school, when I got married and also when I had kids. I’m sure in some way I’ve contributed to some losses but some cases were blatant. I had a “friend” who told me not to call her again after i decided to marry the hubster; something she disagreed with. #Destinykiller. I let that one go quick quick and have no regrets. The way I see it; I’m too old and too blessed to beg for friendships. Feel free to park proper as I walk by.
Hahahaha
Tz been many years now since you got married and she still hasn’t come around?
But tz funny sha. How do people say things like that?
And yes abeg we shouldn’t beg for friendship. It should be MUTUAL
I have experienced all this forms of friendships…on friendship I haven’t been so lucky perse, all kinds of fair weather friends, the see finishers, frenemies…..
I used to pride myself as having many friends but life thought me otherwise when I had a n accident few years back and was in d hospital for mnths it was den I realised what I had weren’t friends but mere acquintances. They just weren’t dere in my darkest hours when I felt life was over for me. This were pple I had gone extra mile for in times past. I had one particular friend we lived together for a period of time, in fact we were still staying together wen I had the accident, initially she visited twice at the hospital n suddenly just stopped coming and when I tried reaching out all I got was busy with work, bla bla.
Even tho i have had countless horrible experiences with friends I was once blessed with an angel, she was the bestest friend anyone cld wish for, there for me in every sense, and even when she got married and preggy our bond waxed much stronger, we were like twins , inseparable… sadly death snatched her from me few months back. I guess with her God just wanted me to knw that there are still some good friends out dere
D good thing is , I know God is working on sending me covenant friends, so I have a lot to look forward to.
As always E’ your post has done it again- ministered to me. Bless you hun
Oh wow oh wow
This just made me realise that I can actually be better. ESPECIALLY in those times of crisis.
So help me God.
May Sue continue to rest in PEACE.
And amen on covenant friends.
Bless you too darling