​So sometime last week, I was Chairlady of #GangPETTY and because this is my blog, I will just say that my bestie Eniola was assistant Chairlady because when I gisted her, she joined me in being petty after laughing at me

Let me come back and give some context to this story and how it ties in to this Post, but first how are yawl doing? 

Happy new week and err’thang. I spent the better part of the morning with a blanket strewn on the floor of my prayer room and a cardboard paper and plenty markers just drawing a plan for the month of August and my life. 

Let me just say a HUGE shout out to three women in my life who just make it easier with their prayers and help… Bimbo, Teniola and Dee. 

I am so thankful that I invested heavy in you ladies and stay investing because these returns are blowing me away. Truly humans are our greatest investment and rewards. 
Ok moving on swiftly. 

I’m sure we are all agreed that the Superstar of the Bible (after Jesus) has to be David. King David!!! That dude ticks all the right boxes for me

1 Chronicles 11:9ff talks about David becoming greater and greater because the Lord was with Him and then he had thes Mighty men who strongly supported him in his Kingdom. 

S Q U A D G O A L S ! ! !

Oh BTW I did a Post called Squad Goals here. It gives this post some context so please read it. 

Anyways the Bible goes ahead and lists all the exploits of these men and if you read that Chapter in a hurry, you might miss the LIFE LESSON hidden in that story – DAVID DEFINED HIS SQUAD

He ranked these men by (I’m sure) some kinda God-defined standards.

There was the TOP 3 in the first rank whom the ERV calls the THE THREE HEROES… Jashobeam, Eleazar and the third who the Chapter doesn’t name.

Then there was the THIRTY which were in the second rank of which Abishai was the Leader. 

Now what really surprises me is verse 20 where they say that this Abishai dude as a result of all the exploits he did, was even more renowned (some versions say he was just as renowned as the Top 3) BUT HE DID NOT ATTAIN TO THEM, meaning David didn’t emotionally promote him because of his amazing deeds.

Ditto Benaiah in verse 25.

He too did some crazy exploits listed but that verse says He was never included with the Three. 

If anybody has emotionally put people in my TOP THREE just because they did X or Y, I have!!! 

Oh I soooo have. 

Two stories. 

And yes, these ladies are reading this but we cool now so it is no longer a biggie…

I had this Chick I met a couple of years back. God used her to give me quite a huge testimony. God had His reason for bringing her into my life but NO, Eziaha had to jump right ahead of Him and make her my BY FORCE BESTIE!!! I mean if she had come into my life the way she did, surely God wanted her to become my new best friend, no? 

Hmmmm, my people, things started to go from bad to worse between us and for a while, we actually didn’t speak to each other.

 I just carried my forward self, tail between my legs, and went to God


And God told me, ‘That is because YOU ABUSED THE PURPOSE OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!!’

It hit me. I did a deep introspection and realised that truly I did. That girl is actually an amazing person BUT she had her place and purpose in my life. And because it was abused (used for what it was not meant aka Best friend), we had to part ways for a while.

I imagine that David would have had to face the same challenges with his men if he carried Abishai, just because he did as much exploits as the THREE, and promoted to the rank of the THREE.

Story 2

Kai, I had this ‘BEST FRIEND’ again who I tried and tried so hard to put into my THREE. And because there is no way I can fully share this story without letting out too much, I would let it slide. But suffice to say that after we clashed soooooooooooooo much, sooooooo much my Darlings, in incredible ways, I finally realised that she has her place and purpose in my life and it didn’t have to be among MY THREE!!!

Now the beautiful thing about both relationships is that we are soooooo cool now. Each lady has a place in my life and gosh, they have been such a blessing to me in incredible ways but this only happened after I freed them from the pressure of being among my THREE and just letting them be in the place God assigned them to be in my life. And also I have learned to STAY in the place God put me intheir own lives and not pressure them to BE MORE than that to me. 

Both relationships thrive today because they are absolutely P R E S S U R E-F R E E!!!

Can I just tell yawl that every relationship in our lives takes a whole lot of work to thrive. And the work needed is directly proportional to the level in which we have placed them…

One person will either be very frustrated because they are giving sooooo much and getting soooo little in return OR be very pressured because they are constantly being harassed that they are not giving enough. My people, I have soooooo been there. On both sides. 

I have been frustrated mad!!! 

And I have been pressure silly!!! 

I have elevated people who had absolutely no biz being there into my Top 3 or 30, and I have been put in people’s top3 and 30 when I should be in their 100. Or 1000 maybe. 

And i’m done with both!!!

Because I have the tendency to be super emotional and thrive on relationships, I have to constantly engage my Spirit as people and relationships come into my life. I’m constantly defining my relationships and if at any time I feel pressured or frustrated, I know I have let emotions lead not my Spirit. 

And now I’m going to tie in my ‘petty gang’ story. 

So I found myself sometime last week right in the throes of FRUSTRATION with a particular relationship. I’m not ashamed to say I missed it yet again and let emotions lead so I misread all her signs. Or maybe I didn’t. I was just too forward (and if you know me, you know I come on STRONG when I like you). 

Ah!!! My boooo. We love STRONG lol 

Anyways, to get out of it, I had to play ‘petty’. And err, sorry no details. Haha. I just basically adjusted from her 3 to her 100 maybe, and JOY and PEACE to the world. 

In the words of one of my best friends Priceless ‘this life no hard ooo’. 

Plus that Eniola told me the energy i was putting into being petty wasn’t worth it (FISH)

Maybe I was even putting the poor Chick under pressure. And guess what, now we have a ‘tidier’ relationship because I adjusted my expectations.

 I recall a friend lamenting to me too about one girl with whom she was trying to build friendship. By the time I heard all the drama, I told her to free the girl. She’s not THAT into you, sawry

These things might be tough to swallow at the beginning but the truth is, you don’t want to be in such relationships that God is not endorsing. 

You don’t wanna FORCE friendships and relationships on insane levels. 

Have a wide Squad and within it, define your 3, your 30, and your 300 and then stay on your level. Don’t let anyone frustrate or pressure you into any more than you can give.


And don’t do crazy things just to get into someone’s 3. 


Frustrated is how you will end up. And then you will start to resent the person because you will feel like you gave so much and she didn’t reciprocate equally, meanwhile nobody sent you ooo. See ehn, works of the flesh are frustrating. 

I’m so DONE!!!

Recently, I had to do something nice for someone. I wasn’t trying to impress or get into their 3. Or 30. I was maybe in their 3000 but God made me do. 

I noticed she kinda felt under pressure to ‘pay back’ and she tried to in an awkward way. 

I turned it down and told her she didn’t have to. 


We should free people from pressure. 

We should do favors as God leads us and not tension the receiver into payback. 

Once I feel pressure to any relationship, I cut off. 


So my heart really for us all today is to do a good appraisal of the people in our Squad and define them. If you need to have hard convos,have them. 

Swallow the humble pie and demote yourself where you have to and promote the ones you need to. 

The truth is, there is a God-defined 3 and 30 for you and until you stop FORCING yourself into circles you shouldn’t be in, or allowing others pressure you into being a David to them, you won’t see those God ordained persons God has for you. 

I’m constantly doing this ooo. Once you come into my life, I place you in your level and we define our expectations so that nobody is frustrated or pressured. 

I’m 30!!! I’m certainly too old for tha’

So cheers to well defined Squad’ships. 

Have a Fruitful week and if you didn’t notice, Mondays are now officially my #FruitfullE’ blog days. So you can be sure that you will get som’in edifying to read here every Monday. 




Incase you missed my locs’ above

On fleek….

17 Responses

  1. Mama E, God bless you for this post…im a relationship kinda girl, so this lesson I must learn…i want to ask though, can someone be in your top 3 without you being in theirs and vice versa? And again, I have this close friend, we were both in our top 3, and it was obvious by the time and commitment we put into the friendship, recently I’ve not just been feeling like its the same anymore, I feel like I’m in top hundred and since he’s a guy, I’ve asked but i don’t want to push too much.so what do I do?

    1. Yes u can esp for ur mentors or teachers. Then as per a guy, pls demote. Fast. Don’t push. Just adjust hun.

  2. I have been there, but after prayer and total reliance on God, he brought people my way that just made it easy, plus I did not put pressure again. I became a #OneManArmyGirl plus #InterdependentFrendship

  3. See how Pastor Mildred is listening attentively. Me I am not a squad anything, but this is one area I have been praying about lately. I’m pretty much a lone ranger, bottling everything up no sharing. God blessed me with the worlds best prayer partner, I am sharing deep parts of me with another human being, amazing suntin. I am beginning to see what I am missing by not being a squad kinda girl

  4. Have always believed in defining friendships but never thought of it in the light you explained it #SquadDefinitions. Now I understand why I felt pressured or frustrated by some of my friendships in times past – I tried too hard to impress sometimes or expected far too much…
    Now I know better.

    Thanks a lot FAB E’ for this. Bookmarking this post cause I’ll need to remind myself repeatedly of this.

    Have a Fruitful week too ma’am

  5. I really need to increase my prayers on friends, wen u talk abt your close circle n how dey fulfil their purpose, it’s just all just so beautiful…in friendships I ve bin sooooooooo unlucky mehn

  6. This is so on point.Recently their has been someone I have been trying to reach out as a way to help her because she is not as privileged and I think I can help her in my own little way,but it has sincerely been looking like I am forcing help on her.I re appraised myself recently telling myself to help is not by force and that I will save the help for someone who really needs it.
    Nice post so on point.

  7. I love your locs. Its so beautiful chai. I have been wanting to loc my hair but my family & friends won’t let me be great *smh* what do you dye your hair with?

  8. Ha, that first picture of the locs almost distracted me from the very SALIENTS points in this post: on fleeeekkkkkk is putting it mildly; love the locs! Lol. Back to the post, I have also been on both sides of the coin: frustrated and pressured. Friendships matter a lot to me, and while I want to make the efforts to sustain and make a relationship thrive, I also don’t want it to be only me doing all the work.

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