When You have a boss…!!! #IssaWord on Making my marriage WORK!!!

When I saw that I had scheduled this post in my diary to write and publish today, I thought it was ON POINT being Val’s day and everythang…

When you have a boss… #IssaWord and I will be explaining what I mean in this post.

First off, if you follow CoachE’ on any social media, you would know that I start my daily posts with an IssaWord post which is my way of combining fitness and my faith. It’s my fave, because it gives me an opportunity to mix beautifully two passions.

Today, I shared something I picked from my e-Pastor Steven Furtick and because I won’t stop if I start on him, I’ll just fly right back to my Post.

It must have been Monday this week when hubby got back from work and realized our fuel was down, and NEPA wasn’t good that day so Inverter down too. I knew he was TIRED so I didn’t even bother. Next thing, I see him stand up and grab the keys…

Babe where are you going?

Let me go and look for fuel. Even if we don’t need it tonight, you would need it to work tomorrow if NEPA doesn’t bring light.

I was so touched. And the phrase just came back to my Spirit…

When You Have A Boss!!!

And God knows how many times I have had cause to say this to myself in gratitude!!!

Like most of you know, the first 4 years of my marriage was long distance. It was challenging but I also learned to just run things and deal (thanks Holly Furtick). I became even stronger and God knows I ran my home like a BOSS!!! Like Badasssss BOSS!!!

We prayed SO HARD and CONTINOUSLY for hubby to join me and finally, the LORD GOD did it. While I was SO EXCITED, I had my fears. I was SO USED to running the home HOW I WANTED and I had seen pockets of friction in those times hubby came for the weekend or a few days, cos he would have his own ideas and I would be like BRUH, I have been running this and so far, IT HAS BEEN WORKING so chilllllllll child!!! Lol. Obviously, not in those words. But the days were always so few and not long after, dude was back to base and Eziaha resumed her Boss-Chick Queen of the home. Now with hubby here PERMANENTLY, I KNEW like I KNEW my name that things would escalate FAST if I didn’t check that. I have such a STRONG Personality so I knew that would be tough (plus hey, I am ALWAYS right lol), but I also knew that my hubby was no shrinking violet. Hey, he is quiet and pretty chilled, but a man was made to LEAD!!! And then delegate. Something I had become SO GOOD at.

Ok, you don’t wanna know how DESPERATE I was to fix MYSELF. I prayed and then spoke to literally everyone I respect… Pastor Mildred, DDK, Rev Albert, my best friends Vee and Aijay. I even looked for a prayer partner IN THE FLESH lol cos I wanted help like crazy, so that didn’t even work.

The prayer partner thang that is.

You see,  I had a Devotional out talking to wives and I desperately wanna lead an authentic life, not writing what I wasn’t living.

DID YAWL GET THAT??? That’s a WORD baby. If you are gonna preach or teach or say anything publically, you better be WRECKED enough to live it privately.

Anyways, I got PRETTY GOOD counsel from my people but I wanna highlight the counsel I got from one of them

The blogger, Inthemidstofher.com

She’s an anonymous blogger but a personal friend and we had met before too. Inthe is like a big sister to me and she is SO SOUND in the Word and giving counsel from there. Gosh, I RESPECT her like crazy. She said to me, and I am paraphrasing

E’, you may have run things when he was away but that was only because GOD GRACED YOU FOR IT… Now that your hubby is here, YOU NEED TO CHILL. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE GRACE ANYMORE TO DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE EASILY. So now, if you continue, you will be frustrated. You have worked SO HARD, Now it is time to relax and enjoy like the QUEEN of the HOME that you are!!!

Ok, if that doesn’t deserve an offering, I dunno what else does…

Gosh, it went IN and ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!! I got it!!! The GRACE was gone. I understand GRACE to a large extent and in very personal ways and I HATE doing things I am NOT GRACED for. The frustration is ANOTHER LEVEL and it is just not good for my life. So when she spoke in that language, I GOT IT!!!

And she was the LAST person I spoke to. I prayed and asked God to help me.

My Darlings, I SHOULD NOT HAVE EVEN WORRIED MY SWEET HEAD AT ALL.

Having my hubby around has been THE EASIEST SEASON OF MY LIFE AS A WIFE, MOM AND BIZ OWNER. I don’t even know how I survived without him. I just re-learned how to drive, and this is my first time driving in Lagos so the other day, I bashed my car LIKE REAL BAD!!! But praise God for a BOSS. Good Lord!!! He stayed back at home the next day, and just to give some context, while he left to go find various people to fix the various things that needed fixing from the accident, I went to the GYM!!!

Like no kidding’ I went to the GYM. Like we walked out together and then I went one way and he the other way. He stayed with them as they fixed stuff. He was the one who handled my Landlord and co. I didn’t have to DO A THANG!!! Ok I dropped cash to fix stuff but that was the easiest and LEAST I could do. Hubby handled it all. All I had to deal with was the emotional trauma and just evict thoughts of WHAT Ifs that came with the crash (Shout out to my friends who were so super encouraging and sorry if some of you are just reading this here for the first time).

Imagine if hubby wasn’t here. I would have had to go be dealing with all these people, plus Landlord, caretaker, etx Plus the emotional trauma.

WHEN YOU HAVE A BOSS!!!

Or can we talk about those times when different things have gone bad at home and he is like ‘send me the electrician’s number let me talk to him’

Like guys, I am the one at home, he is at work, yet he is the one that wants to talk to him for me…

Or times when I have to go shopping and he is like, wait, I’ll take you when I get back.

Or times when I am EXHAUSTED from my kids and he takes BOTH of them off me.

He would get back on some days and bath ElJohn. He plays with KingDaveed like I cannot. Like KingDaveed has A LOT OF ENERGY and I used to feel guilty cos I would warn him to not jump on or around him, but hey, NO GUILT ANYMORE cos my hubby handles him VERY VERY WELL. Me I just play the educational games haha. I can’t jump and fight and summersault. Please.

I don’t think I could have handled this home alone oooo. AT ALL. In fact, I have been suffering since walahi. Thinking I was being strong. Obviously I was graced then and no longer that graced. That’s why.

You see, with all the above, and the many more I can’t mention where my BOSS has taken over, do you think it will be a problem to let him throw his weight around in some other things?

Don’t do XYZ?

Ok Sir.

Even though I wanna do it, I PICK MY BATTLES. I put things in context…

Can I sacrifice this for the joy of my home?

SURE THANG!!!

Once my mindset changed, it started to get easier to submit. In fact, it became beneficial because some things I didn’t have to think about AT ALL. Submitting my will was actually FOR MY OWN GOOD. Don’t get me wrong, somethings I would be upset about in the past, but like I said

I HAVE DECIDED TO PICK MY BATTLES

and frankly so many things are NO BIG DEAL AT ALL so I can lay it down on the altar for PEACE and JOY in my marriage. And practice makes perfect. It does get easier.

Recently, we stopped eating  frozen chicken at home and do more live chicken and even though I THINK I can buy and price it myself, hubby believes he does it better and hey, it happens right at my estate gate, so I step back and let him. NO BE FIGHT lol. So recently, we were waiting for them to kill and clean the chicken (sorry vegans and vegetarians), we were gisting and he said something IN PASSING…

‘…I recall when we used to have SO MANY QUARELS in our marriage…’

Now like I said, it was in passing. Like it wasn’t the main talk. IN PASSING. Phew. I kept on thinking about it. We used to have so much issues and frankly, I take a lot of the blame cos like I said, I was SO USED to running things, so someone coming for a few days and telling me what to do wasn’t flying,. Or worse still, someone NOT AROUND will be telling me what to do in a home that I am physically in? NO SIR!!! So there used to be tension. Ironically, he is here and we have literally NO FRICTION. There have been opportunities for but I quickly lay down my will for PEACE.

Again, I PICK MY BATTLES

Actually I recall a WORD the Lord gave me. He told me to treat my marriage as a NEW ONE and lay down all I knew, allow Him to step up even if he wanted to control EVERYTHING RIGHT DOWN TO MY CLOTHS. As time goes on, he would learn BY EXPERIENCE and hence more LOGICALLY that there are things Eziaha should handle, and then he does the DELEGATION by Himself. A man NEEDS TO BE IN CHARGE. It’s in their DNA, whether you think you know better or not. Counsel from Rev and DDK especially gave more clarity to this that God told me. Which was EXACTLY what I did, and delegation happened REALLY FAST. In fact, DELEGATION and GRATITUDE lol.

Hubby literally THANKS me daily for all I do to keep the home running.

He says my cooking is THE BEST he has ever had and I know he ain’t lying. He actually says he knows I am happier now and it shows in all I do. He sees the changes in me. He sees how hard I work, both physically and even more spiritually, emotionally, ‘mommytically’ and domestically. He says he is enjoying his marriage now MORE THAN EVER BEFORE. These things are SO IMPORTANT to me because I feared the entire opposite would be the case.

More than anything, even though my life is fuller and feels out of control sometimes, having a BOSS who leads and IS PRESENT makes it ALL SO BEAUTIFUL. Imagine if I was still hustling to run things. Kai, life is just more beautiful when you have a BOSS!!!

Now, please don’t think all of this happened with a snap of my finger, or that it is easy, or that it is perfect… NO SIR!!! It has cost me hours on face in prayers and worship. . One of my BEST scripture these days is this

and you KNOW someone means BUSINESS when they pray this. And I mean it… INVESTIGATE my LIFE. I am SUCH A TERRIBLE MESS on my own so just as I need hubby as my boss in my home, I NEED GOD ACTIVELY AND TOTALLY AS BOSS IN MY LIFE.

With both BOSSES, life – and marriage – is infinitely more beautiful. Hard work still, yes, but beautiful hard work…

And like I have blogged about before, I am NOT asking you to start to compare or copy anything or anyone, YOUR MARRIAGE YOUR RULES, the Holy Spirit KNOWS what would make your marriage even better and SUBMITTING easier. ASK HIM. I just shared mine and hopefully it inspires you too.

Hey, Happy Valentine’s Day if you celebrate it.

Love,