Hey everyone, welcome to my blog. Lol. I had something else to share this week but something happened yesterday that made me change my mind. Was going to actually blog on why you should EXIT every whatsapp Prayer and Word group you are in RIGHT NOW and maybe I will get to it later this week, but for today, let’s talk about the kinda babe or friend you don’t wanna be.
Every Sunday, I spend like two hours between 4 and 6am catching up with my prayer partner via Zoom video call. We pray first for about 30mins and then generally discuss the week, what amazing things God is doing, who we need to break their head with bottle (just kiddin’… kinda lol) and so on. I love it and it is such a great way to start my week.
Yesterday as we discussed, I shared something she had done that I interpreted a certain way at first, but also had to find the flip side of it and balance it out before satan sows his stupid seeds.
Then I told her what good had come out of it all. She was shocked that I had that sort of interpretation to it, and well, we both had to have a difficult conversation to settle the matter with finality once and for all.
Drama is good on Africa Magic. It left my friendship life once I turned 30. And that was even 12 years too late.
So we settled the matter and completely gave no room for satan the fool.
Interestingly, we are working through a certain devotional called Squad goals and trust Ryan Leak to completely mirror our friendship that morning.
Let me quote him:
The fourth squad goal is desperately needed for you and your friends:
Goal #4: Be Willing to have tough conversations.
We all have “that friend” who is dating somebody we know they shouldn’t be dating, but they’ve made it so tough to tell them the truth. Don’t be “that friend.”
You can’t just have the right people around you. You need to be having the right conversations. Be willing to go beyond the surface to talk about things that actually matter.
Imagine our shock to read that two seconds after our meeting?
He literally spoke to the part of us that committed to difficult convos.
But it also made me quickly audit my own life viz-a-viz other friends. In fact, I looked more inwards to see if I had suddenly or slowly become ‘that friend’ that people do not wanna go THERE with.
I realized that this can be a thing ESPECIALLY among us Jesus girls who are the ‘God told me…’ kind.
Truth is when someone says God told me, any correction/suggestion is usually quelled even before it happens.
Yes, I say God told me A LOT but frankly, I have also started to learn to not just ACCEPT but also ASK FOR feedback. I recall one time I went to my Pastor M for feedback on something and even though she hesitated a bit before sharing, that wisdom she shared took me from one level to the next.
When I give my squaddies the feedback form, I cringe sometimes to read it but I have to. I am learning (and I have come a long way) to separate my person AND identity from the words that people speak over me, whether true or not.
So positive, negative or downright caustic feedback, I take my emotions out the way and pursue it logically and with Jesus. Is it easy? Nope.
I have had some feedback that annoyed me, some made my heart beat faster with shock, some made me ALMOST answer the person in my flesh, and so on, but I have learned to navigate feedback and criticism with Jesus.
I did a post about how Christians should handle criticism here:
Check it out.
I also LOVE this podcast by Craig Groeschel (which Eziaha is yet to listen to but he referenced it somewhere and I truly was BLESSED by the part he shared. I will listen of course but let me share here:
HOW EFFECTIVE LEADERS HANDLE CRITICISM.
PART 1 N 2. CRAIG GROESCHEL
Yup, it was so good he recorded a part 2. Yikes!!!
Ok back to you!!!
Are you THAT friend?
This requires an honest answer. And let me tell you, the tendency for people NOT to give you feedback even when they KNOW that it will better your actions and decision making process happens EVEN MORE the higher you go in life.
That thing is SO ANNOYING which is why I have to make the extra EFFORT to ask for AND then receive feedback. Encouragement is GREAT but the balance to it that will make me more efficient IS FEEDBACK/CRITICS.
So asking my mentors and friends for feedback, the honest kind is a thing for me. Don’t baby me. Just tell me how I can do better. In fact DDK and I are working through something and when I sent her a plan she asked me for, I literally BEGGED her to hit me with her HONEST TRUE-TO-GOD feedback, I can take it!!!
I have learned to include my team and staff IN THE DECISION making process from the start and not just hoist the final decision on them. Of course as a leader sometimes you just need to come with the final decision but wisdom is in knowing WHEN to do that and when to carry them along FROM INCEPTION.
The truth is, we need to involve more than one good head in making decisions, and even in involving, you must be discerning and quick to cut out rubbish or demonic ones.
In fact, I have been reading this book THE SEER by Jim Goll and I love how it has both exposed my level of the prophetic and then increased it too.
It broke it down so well and I LOVE IT (If you are looking to understand AND operate in the prophetic, I RECOMMEND NOW!!! Got mine from kobo books but I have the pdf too (I HATE PDF anything. I prefer to read from an APP) so err, I will need to have you email Bimbo to get it if you like.) Here is her email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
See this quote from the book.
So yes, let it ALL come to you and I, – FEEDBACK, CRITICISM, ENCOURAGEMENT – but we will grow in our discernment and be able to handle it well, and in a way that makes the Father happy AND betters our own lives.
That’s how we know we have grown, from MILK to MEAT
“But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”
Hebrews 5:14 NKJV
Oh and TPT is beautiful too, I have to add it
“But solid food is for the mature, whose spiritual senses perceive heavenly matters. And they have been adequately trained by what they’ve experienced to emerge with understanding of the difference between what is truly excellent and what is evil and harmful.”
Hebrews 5:14 TPT
And hey, grab a couple of your friends, sisters and prayer partners, and get on YouVersion devotionals. Squad goals is a GREAT place to start. Love love love Ryan Leak after doing UNOFFENDABLE 10 times last year when satan wanted to drive me insane with offence lol.
Cheers to not being THAT friend,
P.S This post was first published on this blog in August 2019.