Oh my gosh I am so super excited to finally be blogging about this thing. Like, it is so personal, so stripping but yet so freeing. That I am bold enough to share shows you how much work God has done on me, and how He continues to work on and in me too. I totally LOVE walking with God. Like Aijay told me yesterday, what a privilege to get to DO LIFE with GOD. Like, yawl, can you even imagine that? We talk often about how we get to do life with so and so person, but I am so thankful that with all the humans He blesses me with, I still get to do life with Him. I LOVE HIM with everything within me, but you didn’t come for me to go all mushy with my Savior now, baby, did you?
So let’s get this show on the road.
Weekends usually find me either at my sister’s or my parents. I live at Isheri and it is far from both centres of my Church, but my parents live in Festac, really close to DCC Amuwo, and my sis lives in VI, super close to DCC, Lekki. Plus it gives me an opportunity to just get out of my house every weekend, since I work from home, a privilege I have never been more thankful for. And also my family get to see my son too.
But, no matter how it is doing me, or how I am enjoying those places, I look forward to coming home. I hate being away from home on Monday mornings, so no matter how late it gets, I find my way home on Sunday night. Home, for me, is where I can wield the most control over my life, both what I do, or what I allow to be done to me. And having control of my life is very important to me. I can plan my entire week, and kick it off, shooting effectively with my goals right early from Monday morning, sure that most likely, nothing, will disrupt. The schedule in my sister’s home especially can be totally disruptive for me on week days. Home is my safe place, my happy place, and most importantly, my BEST place of fellowship with God.
Now, what exactly do I mean by STAY HOME? Surely, it doesn’t mean that you should stay in your house and be controlling your life. No, mama!!! I just mean that in living your life, be sure to mostly STAY HOME, within those places emotionally, mentally and physically too, where you have the most control over your life, and then brutally keep the disruptions out.
Now, let me drive this home with a personal story.
One of the biggest distractions and struggles I have is with comparison and the question of AM I DOING ENOUGH? I can be such a strong Choleric with TYPE A personality, meaning that we need to be doing stuff and smashing goals IN THE FACE OF OTHERS per time to feel like we are really worth something. You know, that thing of I have to prove myself, do something ‘cool’ and be making all them ‘Power Moves’ PUN OVER INTENDED!!!
And then everyone is applauding me and all that good stuff.
When I am not ‘doing stuff’, it feels like I am somehow failing. God help me if I now see people around me doing stuff in a season where everything I am doing is backstage and Behind The Scenes only. Ugh. Or when I am in the WORST season of all, THE DRY SEASONS (and that is most likely going to be my next post).
That’s where I am most vulnerable. And guess what? The enemy attacks our areas of vulnerability. You most likely won’t be able to tempt me with a lifestyle more buoyant than mine, like nice dresses, shoes and vacations, or with your Masters abroad, or your job in Google or Facebook. Nah. Definitely not a thing for me. But, in the areas I mentioned above, Yup. And we are tempted NOT just in our areas of vulnerability, BUT also in the times when we are MOST vulnerable (dry or BTS seasons).
Because I am currently reading Steven Furtick’s Crash the Chatterbox,
I will refer to all those voices that come at you as THE CHATTERBOX. And that term is apt, because oh those voices REALLY chatter.
So in those times and seasons, the chatterbox starts to do its thing with me.
Look at this person, she is doing way more than you
Your blog and social media is not getting as much views and likes, people don’t think you are ‘all that’ any more
You are not getting all those emails that talk about how amazing you are like before…
You are losing relevance…
Chatter chatter chatter… Yada yada yada.
On and on the Chatterbox goes.
That’s also when I get tempted to want to ‘prove myself’ and do something cool. The same thing Satan expected of Jesus in the wilderness, after his fast. Came for him at a vulnerable moment of hunger and wants Him to prove Himself at being God’s son (Luke 4v3). Same thing He did to Eve in the garden (Genesis 3). Same Tempter, Same strategy, but different responses, THANK GOD!!!
That same voice still whispers to us today.
Look, NOTHING is wrong with being an achiever and all. I LOVE my own life and all that it comes with. The problem comes when we start to get out identity from it/them. I recall the IDENTITY Coach at Queens Arising, just made that statement which I have always known, but hit me in a new way
OUR IDENTITY IS IN CHRIST!!!
I guess it hit because she used very personal examples of her achievements and then her dry seasons to explain it.
My identity is not in rituals, feed-backs, achievements, lists and awards, the amount of time I spend praying, my bank account, my social media interactions, my endorsements, NOTHING!!! It is in Christ, and He is ENOUGH!!! He has to be enough!!!
And guess when these voices, FOR ME ooo, are at their loudest?
When I find myself spending more time on social media, or any other media sef, than I ought to.
Lol, I am having so much fun writing this, because I have been WRECKED totally. Like hit rock bottom and lifted back up, so I am laughing plenty at myself as I share this haha. In the last TFS, someone asked me how I was so comfortable sharing my less than fabulous Eziaha moments with them, not afraid that maybe they would start to look down on me and so on, and I was like…
Baby, because we are ALL BROKEN. I am a MESS, You too are a MESS, no matter how good you look outside. Only God can take our messes and create something beautiful out of it. If anyone starts to look down on any other one because of their obvious or public messes, hahahaha, it says more about YOU that the person, sorry. We are all working this whole salvation deal out. Now, that is not to say we stay in our messes, or never receive correction, but continue to roll around in it. Nope, as God reveals to us, we start to work on them.
So instead of judging another person’s messes, go work on your own. Simples.
Ok side note over.
I was saying that the time when the chatterbox is the loudest is when I am on Social media the mostest. And who will you blame? We share our highlight reels out there, and even when we share our messes, people are more inclined to our HRs instead. I don’t even have a problem with social media being for our HRs biko, so share away. The world is sad enough, haha. So soon, the HRs of people as they smash their goals, began to reinforce the chatterbox’s voices in my head.
Now, the CRAZY thing is actually that I do NOT even spend nearly half as much time as the average person on social media. I just get on every once in a while, and try to catch up on what I missed. And the crazy thing about my feeds is that I follow a lot of people that don’t exactly reflect what my ideal Social media should look like. Kinda fits more my past, than my present and future. I should work on it small small. Now, I don’t mean bad or terrible people ooo, I just mean people who really are on their lane, and who should not necessarily be in my ‘home’ and have easy access to me when I log on.
Now that I have mentioned HOME, let me explain more. My HOME for example, would include people like Christine, Joyce, SJR, Steven F, Lisa, and the many people I know God has called to be my teachers. And of course my close friends, mentors and pastors. Then a few people from whom whole and healthy information can come from, enough to keep me worldly relevant, but not tainted.
But I sometimes make the mistake of leaving home and then checking the feeds or clicking on crazy pages, taking suggestions, reading comments, and so on. Eeeeek!!!
I recall this post I put up one time on
‘Girl, just clap for her. Resist the Urge to be PETTY’
so I thought that to make sure I wasn’t being petty, I had to intentionally go looking for who to clap for, Hahaha. Just crazy, I know. The chatterbox then comes for my precious life. By the time I am logged out, I am full of voices of comparison, insecurity, ‘God why are you doing this for XYZ but not for me’ etc.
You see, now God had to teach me to STAY HOME!!!
Stay HOME, Eziaha!!!!
The definition of ‘home’ will change from season to season but if there is something that causes you to fall in your area of weakness, keep it away from your home, simples. Now, your own weaknesses may be different than mine, but whatever yours is, you know what staying home should translate to. Or you can ask God to reveal it to you. But girl, if you are working on something (especially your salvation), the less the distractions and disruptions, the better, and the faster you grow.
And I learned this ‘STAY HOME’ concept from a friend of Steven Furtick, whose name he left out, but I suspect Craig Groeschel. He said the guy had been trying to get him to stay away from Twitter, as he doesn’t go on twitter because of all the dramz there. Then one day, the guy was at his house, and then he saw him going through twitter on his phone, and SF is like BUSTED!!! Lol and the guy says
‘When I go on Twitter, I STAY HOME’
And he goes further to explain that he ONLY clicks on the HOME BUTTON on Twitter, which gives him access to ONLY the people he chose deliberately to follow. So he listens to only them. He steers clear of the notifications buttons, the comments, the dramz, no matter how mush stars and red lights they are showing, by staying home.
I thought that was BRILLIANT. I mean, who knows what God is working on him about, and to get the job done, he has to define his ‘home’ and stay there. What this also means is that he gets to miss out on positive feed backs and stuff, BUT small price to pay for working out his salvation.
But then, the amazement hit the roof and destroyed it when I learnt from Christine Caine how she stays home. That Chick is my twin-in-the-future. It is crazy how this Chick gets my life. We are so similar in literally everything, except that she has a background of abuse. Ah!!! Definitely my Teacher and Person of HOPE!!!
You see all those comparison and ‘Am I doing enough’ yarns I mentioned above? Chris says that is her biggest struggle too. So she says that when she puts all these crazy disciplinary measures on herself, she KNOWS what she is working on. She doesn’t watch TV, scroll through social media endlessly, or go looking for who to ‘clap for’ haha. There are enough things that come at her that make her spiral right down the wrong path so she doesn’t even open herself up to any extra temptation. Never an idle mind moment. She is always plugged in listening to Joyce or Steven or Bishop Jakes. It is therapy for her, as in she needs it to survive. She says sometimes she catches herself spiraling and her husband will be like ‘Just go and listen to Joyce Meyer’s podcast or something’. I recall one day when I had spiraled like crazy and as I shared my pathetic self with my husband, the guy says he thinks I need to go and sleep lol. Then when I wake, I can better process my thoughts. Hahaha. That evening was something. The chatterboxer came for me on full blast!!! The crazy thing? It was right after two amazing highlights of my January- PowWow and Queens Arising!!!
Ah, I KNOW what it means to be hooked to the Word for basic survival. I feel like I NEED YouTube to survive!!! I need the constant stream of messages to keep going. If you see my data, I have over 100gig on it atm. My mind is too active. I can’t stop the chatter but I can block it out with the Word. I don’t GO HARD with God to blog or put up on SM, I go hard for basic survival. I go hard so I can CRASH THE CHATTERBOX!!! I go hard because I want to reduce my spiraling. Once I stay out of the TRUTH and get into the FACTS, I just know I am about to sink to newer depths, no thanks to the chatterbox. If you like my life, just know that I didn’t get here casually. I literally survive on the Word, which is why I spend so much time with Him. I NEED HIM or I am just totally useless!!!
Steven F shared a commercial on one of the CTC series he preached and I loved it. So this guy was in a car driving through a stream of protesters. I don’t know the full or back story so I may not present the details well, but sha these protesters were screaming and being very nasty, some even throwing eggs at the car. He was safe in the car, yup, but he could hear them. Then he does an amazing thing… He brings out his badass earphones, and starts to listen to his own beats. He totally drowned out the NOISE of the chatterboxers outside.
If it wasn’t 2am, I would have screamed!!!
Ah!!! I am going to even buy a badass headphone tomorrow because I KNOW that I am about to enter a next level and I need to really be plugged in AT ALL TIMES…
Before now, I would boldly say that I ‘stay home’ a lot I must say. I miss out on a whole lot of stuff because I truly don’t have time to catch up, sometimes on the good stuff. I for instance, like celebrity gist (not gossip per se), which was why I did LIB a lot back then but mehn, I knew about AMVCA only after the show had started, knew that Eku had a baby just last week, knew that Buhari’s beautiful daughter got married in December only in February and certainly never hear about crashed marriages until months after. Yes, not life saving stuff per se, but I just don’t mind the beautiful gists like marriages and births. I also don’t always see feedbacks even on my own life because I don’t go looking, most times. The last blog post I did on the Chick who opted out of TFS because of age did bring me some backlash on Social media where I promoted it. Crazy thing is I post and log out. So I came back on IG and I saw that my page had drama, so I didn’t bother reading again, then I posted the second thing I wanted to post and logged out. No attack, no defence, just keep moving. Learned that from my Pastor Kingsley.
The beautiful thing is I am in this ‘STAY HOME’ season so I don’t go clicking, looking for cheers or jeers. I even have some people email me on something I have written before and once I see the topic or read the direction of mail, without even completing what they had to say, good or bad, I delete. I am not reading comments or feedbacks. One of my friends even commented on a post, apparently in support of me, then when the backlash came, she deleted and told me why she deleted and I am like ‘I didn’t even notice the first or the deleted comment’. Lol. I believe that God lets us see what He wants us to see by somehow bringing it ‘home’, but in the meantime, we guard our hearts. Recall the post I did on FACEBOOK AND EMOTIONAL ENERGY? Now I am even at a higher level of saving my energy.
And you know what, this is Christine Caine’s life. All those hailing we give her, she hardly sees them. She also doesn’t see most of the yabis or critics. She said Joyce has warned her not to go looking so she stays home. So when we see some people not respond to our messages, even the good ones, especially on SM, it is not pride, it is therapy lol. They probably didn’t see it. I see a lot of messages like weeks after, and by then I don’t think I can reply again. I thought I was good with staying home, but now, I feel like God is leading me to redefine my home.
I really dunno why He makes us go even more brutal when we are already brutal but Joyce Meyer says that I don’t get to be a part of the Board of Directors when it comes to His instructions. I don’t get a vote, I just obey. I also heard Chris say for every time He wants to take us higher, he strips us a bit more, and YES IT IS PAINFUL.
Err, at this point, may I just add that I am sharing this much details just to make this as relatable as possible. You don’t have to ape my own home. I don’t know what your struggles are, or what season God has you in, but you do know, and because satan will attack you, you better be at ‘home’.
Oh, this morning, the Holy Spirit reminded me of when I had to unfollow Heather Lindsey FOR A SEASON. Yawl know my heart for Heather. I adore her, but in that season, I had some brokenness that needed fixing and I thought the tension from her page was not helping. It wasn’t her, it was ME!!! So I had to let God work on me, as I evicted her from my home, till God fixed me. This goes to show that you may even need to evict some good people from your ‘home’ for a season. Look, if God is taking you through a wilderness season, cut distractions out so you can focus and pass the test. You may even need to UNFOLLOW EZIAHA if you think you can’t deal for this season. It is not fight or hatred, IT IS THERAPY!!! Do not let anyone tension you. If you are in a season where God needs you to be alone with Him and not attend any events or seminar INCLUDING THE CHRISTIAN ONES, you may need to UNFOLLOW people that rave about all the ones they attend(ed), and just focus on your season. And yawl know I rave about conferences a lot, so if you have to unfollow, please do. You can UNFOLLOW GOOD PEOPLE!!! If you are in a season where God is working on your finances, evict some people from your ‘home’ while you gain some financial discipline.
UNFOLLOW. UNSUBSCRIBE. DELETE. BLOCK. REPORT. UNFRIEND. HIDE. DO WHATEVER MUST BE DONE TO KEEP A HEALTHY HOME!!!
Life is in seasons and we need to do some eviction so our ‘homes’ per season stays pure, fruitful and safe, and then we can pass our tests and get promoted.
Me, I am SUPER AWARE of my season and I am grateful that I have my HERO Chris right beside me, cheering me on.
I need to be plugged into God and be about my Father’s business, and even if I have to miss out on some things, I believe that I don’t need them on my own path. Whatever I need, God will bring my way. But this fight, I HAVE ALREADY WON!!! At HOME!!!
Why is BEATS by Dre so damn expensive lol? Somebody gift me. In the meantime, will buy the ‘next best thing’ haha
My son is turning two in 2days. I have been deliriously happy. He is celebrating in school, then hubs is also coming and we get to also celebrate as a family. Yawl don’t wanna SEE HIS CAKE. I have been STARVING just to make sure I enjoy plenty cake. I will send pix of the cake. Haha. I am so thankful for that boy. So honored to be raising a giant slayer, a David in His generation and a fire brand for Jesus. Ah!!! His generation is so blessed to have him in it.
Oh I feel like I need to explain why my devotionals are not out.
It is the App ooo my people. Just pray for us all. Haha. I have decided to just roll it to God that He will perfect, and then not worry. Whenever it comes out will be the perfect time.