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E's.Mail…Pre-marital Counselling

Airport lounges are a great place to blog…

I have done quite some blogging every time I wait…
I actually thought I would spend some time reading this book while I await my flight,

but I decided I would read the book in-flight since all electronic gadgets would have to be off then…
I am also praying that I get an extra meal pack seeing as I am super hungry and in my hurry, I didn’t have either brekkie or lunch and I am too prudent/stingy to buy airport food…
Tz past 2pm BTW…
Meanwhile, I  have enjoyed all sorts of favor flying ooo… From being upgraded to first class, to extra snacks, to taking a picture in the cockpit…

He he he. At the checkpoint today, they didn’t even check my hand luggage. Didn’t let me remove my sandals, didn’t do that annoying touching all over they do… Nothing. They just kept saying ‘ah fine original African girl/lady/etc…’ My hubby said that’s how I would have passed with bomb and they will be hailing me…loooooool
Let’s see what happens today…
Free tip: Always wear a blinding smile at the airport… Works!!!
OK this really mean man just came to sit across me with a plate of steamy sweet smelling snails…

Back to the subject matter… With TY Bello’s Yahweh playing nonstop from my phone, lemme welcome you to this segment called E’s.Mail…
So a darling FAB’er sent me this mail…

Because I have been asked this question time and again, I decided to answer this publicly. Someone else may need the info…

First off, nothing awkward here darling… You know E’ now… Awkward is getting overrated 🙂
Thanks darling… For writing in and for the love… And of course, we know who gets all the glory yeah… #SugarDaddyOfMine

Yes, hubby and I lived in different places for 4+ of the 5+ years we dated…
And believe me, we did counselling with our two different churches tho we were wedding in mine only. He is a leader in his church and dearly beloved of almost every pastor and member so he had to bring his intended to be very checked out and approved first…
Now, while I subscribe to pre-marriage counselling (ranges anything from the popular one week or /two to four weekends crash program to the very rare intensive three months in different churches I think…), I daresay it is NOT enough. Especially the  crash courses…
My opinion tho…
Now I say this because most churches I know won’t join you until you have undergone their marriage counselling classes but has that impacted on the number of divorces, seperations and all sorts that we see even in the church today?
I sincerely believe that marriage is such a HUGE deal so the same we study for our degrees, we also need to study to make this institution which is lifelong work…
Now what am I saying?
I recall as a student in unibadan, there was this time Rev TJ (Rev’s darling babe) was transferred to pastor my branch (Shabach centre). Since it was opposite UI, students were about 3/4 of the congregation. One of the first things she told us then was those in relationships should let her know and bring their intended to her so she can get to know them and counsel along…
***side note… Second and final boarding announcement. Gotta run.
FreeTip2: Avoid the rush,and the queuing especially if you don’t have a huge hand luggage. Always board at the final call 🙂 Catch y’all soon***

8.50pm… Long trip…  But the show must go on…

OK where were we?
So she wanted us to bring our ‘boifwends’ and girlfriends…
I am sure a lot of people wondered why and thought she probably just wanted to hear gist…
But she had her strong reasons…
Anyways,me, even before she said, there was no way I was going to be dating someone and I would not have informed my pastors… Especially because my church was a relationship church and they really understood relationships, evident in the kinda marriage they had.

Now Aku m wasn’t in Ibadan but after I was sure that it was him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the next time dude came, fiam I had him visit Rev and his wife for them to scrutinize him wella and probably throw in a few ‘you better don’t mess with our very precious daughter E’ or we will go all ninja on you’ threats… I wasn’t at that meeting but when Rev called me, he was like ‘…ah Eziaha, this one is a good one ooo… I like him. I can’t threaten him…’ and all that. Rev teju also loved him too. Intact, I tell her she loves him more than me, because they both have reserved personalities while Rev and myself are the sanguines yo!!!
My dear, that was where our counselling began ooo. At the very beginning of the relationship… Every time we were together in town, we would visit them, there were many calls, many individual sessions, many counsels, a few quarrel settlings lol, but basically, they were involved.
Because he attends winners which is NOT a relationship church, I made sure I over-dosed him on books, and messages on relationships from Rev, Pk, Pastor Bimbo and others like Gary Chapman and co…  We would read together, discus OVER THE PHONE most times, ask questions, etc.
That formed part of counselling too…
Then I also wanted him to meet pk…I wanted pk to ‘shake him up’ a bit since Rev had shown him love. He he he. Balance jare… Don’t judge
Infact, i used to invite him for DCC programs but he couldnt make most till MAN UP… A relationship program just for men. He bought a ticket and came all the way to LAGOS just to attend Man up and see pk if possible. He didn’t see him but he got his pin. Then they got talking on Bb. Intact, pk had to move him to his personal bbm because he is his daughter’s fiancée…  Phew, two appointments gone awry, they never met till the wedding day but on Bb they talk. Infact Bolaji used to say that whenever he puts up my picture, pk will ping him as if to say ‘…hmmm, I am watching you ooo. No just try yasef where my daughter dey…’ Loooool
No slacking oooo… I couldn’t be dating anyone and the spiritual authorities won’t be carried along…
So now, when Bolaji proposed,

we were back to Rev and his wife THE NEXT DAY Loooool.
Both to inform them and be prayed for…

Cos we were going to see my people and God knows we needed the prayers, counsel, etc being that I had been warned not to bother bringing a Yoruba person…
All though the drama that ensued during the whole wedding process, rev was carried VERY along… Ditto pk…
What was all that? Part of marriage counselling because dealing with the in laws comes with the package…
Now when we started the marriage counselling proper, my hubby was coming from his base to IBADAN  every time. Kai… The flight tickets no be here Loooool.

The good thing was that with that sort of foundation, we did fewer classes than the ‘regular’
In fact on two occasions, we left Rev’s house at 10pm (bless the Oduwole’s for me dear God). The the next day we would be back to Lagos and hubby would fly back to base…
Then we also had a session with another of my pastors in school, Rev Bunmi… Choi
That one was sex counselling… You will hear tinzzzzz and trust Rev Bunmi na… God bless him he is also a medical doctor hehehe… But I loved it…
Then I had to travel to his church too for counselling and marriage interview. It was going to be a crash course since I wasn’t wedding in Winners. This one caused wahala ooo, I won’t lie. Cos I didn’t want to go, especially as I had come earlier and it didn’t hold and the wedding was drawing close and most weekends were busy and my parents weren’t excited about me travelling weekends plus I was still working. I think hubby had to report me to Rev first and then, of course (who born me), I found myself making the trip two weeks to the wedding… Choi.
If you see the drilling for the interview at Winners eh…  Infact after drilling us together, they now seperated us, asked us very intimate questions and then compared answers to be sure we weren’t lying… Lol. Frankly, I didn’t expect all that and to God be the glory, we passed their interview in flying colours. In fact the head of the panel (yes they were three) now said they were very impressed with our session and that they had not interviewed a couple this in sync before and who seemed to understand and were well prepared for what they were going into. They said so many glowing things about us and coming from Winners, you know that is a big deal yeah? I remember calling rev very excitedly to gist him… Aside the interview, we did a two day marathon counselling session with different pastors handling different topics. My favorite was the one on communication. The facilitator did an amazing job. Then my least fave was ………………….lol. No comment

So my darling J, we did counselling-a-plenty:-from dating days, to pre-engagement, post-engagement and pre-marital counselling…
And the truth is, it never stops…
Infact one thing we started doing in marriage was to listen to marriage tapes together and then discus it. Tz our very own Love Dating and Marriage seminar…

And reason ooo… Any reason!!!
So that way, we are sure we will keep hearing the right voices all through this journey…
If we are going to have the marriage of our dreams, we have to deliberately build it…

Now, of course many people have good or even great marriages without all of this. Oh well, I aint sure but I guess…
Me sha, I know say in the multitude of counsel there is safety….
I didn’t want to go into this marital journey ill-prepared and walahi I know I have a lot of wahala  and plenty to learn so I took advantage of all the arsenals within my reach…

I hope this helps…

Going Forward…Still Testifying

Started this post on Monday… Concluded it Tuesday right in Unilag auditorium where we are having one job awareness thingy as part of our POP activities for batch A Corps members…

Feb 13 in view… Thank you Jesus.
#Can’wait #BatchA2013

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  • Reply
    Bella Mayei
    February 4, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Mummy Big Sis E’ is in Lagos! *dancing*
    When are you coming to church?

    • Reply
      February 4, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      Loooool… I just can’t with y’all
      God willing I will be in church tomorrow

      • Reply
        Bella Mayei
        February 4, 2014 at 4:29 pm

        lol i’m sooooo happpy! yaaaay!

  • Reply
    1 + The One
    February 4, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    You are just a wonderful human being E! Totally FAB!
    Thank you for this insight.. May your marriage always be an example and inspiration in Jesus name..

    Too much lovee! xx

    • Reply
      February 4, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      I just read that interview on your blog
      Totally loved it
      Will drop a comment already

      Thank you 1plus
      You are so gracious

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    i think counselors operates as good referees and are very helpful… am sure you will enjoy reading Eggerichs, i love his take on Ephesians 5:33 and why couples end up in crazy cycles..”without Love she reacts without respects. without respects, he reacts without love”…

    • Reply
      February 4, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      Babe I am loving it ooo

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    thanks E, loadz of wisdom taken from the post. *kisses*
    the RIGHT peeps must speak into our marriages!
    God bless hun

    • Reply
      February 4, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      Thanks for inspiring this sweets
      Thank God for wisdom too

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    I love the title. “E’s mail”… So cute. Great advice and you’re looking delicious!!!

    • Reply
      February 4, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      I forgot to add something to this post. ..
      How did I forget?
      Choi. ..
      *slaps head*
      Ok I will add it to the next one.
      Yes it is about you Inthe…
      Thanks darling…

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Your posts are always on point,but this is very much on point dear.I think a lot of single people need to read this and know that indeed in the multitude of counsel there is safety.We can’t say it enough…I subscribe to the school of thought that your pastor(especially when you have a good one like Rev) must be aware and should approve of your relationship.Its just wise to do that.Thanks for this post,I learned quite a number of things.

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      You are most welcome darl

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Have I told you how awesome your nails are? Girl they are popping! And thank you for not zooming in on the well-peppered snail your neighbor was eating. Also, a special thank you for reminding me to go read the book that I bought almost two years ago. Lol

    • Reply
      February 6, 2014 at 8:33 am

      That snail ehhhhh….
      E, this is so not fair! You didn’t have to make me imagine what it wld have been like. Esp as I’ve not eaten snails for a while now. #Sulking#
      As for the counseling, I’m in total agreement. It’s very important for a man to have someone he’s accountable to. I also think people get into marriage with different imaginations that get altered as the marriage starts, like praisegeorge said. Counseling helps to prepare a couple for any surprises they may get.

      • Reply
        February 8, 2014 at 7:00 am

        You are just a hungsto and a foodie
        And yes accountability is KEY oooo. Esp for the man

  • Reply
    February 4, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    Absolutely loved this post. In the multitude of counsel there is truly safety. Your counsellors can spot things you missed as they relate with you and what better accountability and covering to have than the confidence of spiritual God fearing counsellors in physical form and the added benefit of resourceful materials.

    You rock girl! Thanks for sharing In your uniquely detailed, no holds barred yet humorous way with pictures for effect. Hi five for you jare. Much love!

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 6:47 am

      *high five’s you right back*
      Thanks darling
      And thank God especially

  • Reply
    BREAKUPS AND STUFF | Scribbles of Grace ...
    February 5, 2014 at 7:53 am

    […] This writer doesn’t advocate haphazard dating patterns. SEEK the face of God before committing yourself to another person. Count the cost. Love isn’t blind; it has two very sharp eyes on the look-out. Maintain […]

  • Reply
    Sisi Blu
    February 5, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Yummy Post!

    E-sightful as always! Haha!

    Wave at me from Church o. I will be streaming!

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 6:53 am

      You should totally be sending your tithes and offerings to us ooo seeing as you don’t miss a service Loooool. And yes hun I love “E-sightful’ hehehe

  • Reply
    February 5, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    waow….wat a write up….oooopps why did it end so soon…thanks ma’am u rock

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 6:54 am

      Hun see me thinking it was getting too long
      Thanks babe

  • Reply
    February 5, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    E, great article. Interesting story. Counselling prepares you for marriage. But no matter the preparation you have, you will still receive a mild shock the first day you WAKE up beside each other as a married COUPLE. That will take a while to get used to.

    Making a relationship work is a life long commitment to each other and dedication to develop yourself.

    It is character that preserves a marriage, not just the emotion of love. I am sure you can tell stories of people who said they were in love but fell by the way side. It wasn’t that they didn’t have love, but both or one person’s character was not strong enough to hold up under the pressures of life and marriage.

    Counseling helps, listening to ‘marriage tapes’ helps, however, developing Christlike character is the most important key to a successful relationship.


    • Reply
      February 6, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Okay, that ‘mild shock’ part really got me laughing but I’ve heard a number of tales about that.

      • Reply
        February 8, 2014 at 7:01 am

        Haven’t hear no tales ooo NNE
        Like I said, didn’t happen to me or hubby
        We were even too ‘busy’ to be mildly or severely shocked… Except of course the *rated 18* kinda shock hehehe

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 6:58 am

      Thanks darling…
      Lovely point raised
      Yes tz a lifelong commitment like I already mentioned in the post.
      And love? Never enough on its own. Even though it is very important no doubt,..
      And of course, character is very important too…
      And for the Mild shock, nah darling. Didn’t receive it on the first day or subsequent days. It certainly didnt take anytime to get used to anything. So truly there are no blanket rules…

      • Reply
        February 8, 2014 at 10:10 am

        Obviously, some people are more emotionally prepared than others. There is a reason why there are tons of books on ‘the Morning After The Wedding.’ Most people still need to ‘adjust emotionally’ to their new status, unless they’ve been together for a while.

  • Reply
    February 6, 2014 at 10:29 am

    lovely post, lovely comments.

    • Reply
      February 8, 2014 at 7:02 am

      Lovely Phebe 🙂

  • Reply
    February 8, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    My darling primary school friend
    Tz amazing who is reading.
    I was pleasantly surprised to see your name ooo.
    And thank you for the super sweet words. Wow…
    I am humbled. God bless you mega

  • Reply
    February 10, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    Tanks for this post. Was soo needed & I learnt a lot. God bless U E’… May He continue to use you for His Glory. Amen. #Big Bear Hugs

    • Reply
      February 11, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Amen AmenAmen
      Thanks babe. Thank God

  • Reply
    Innovative Counselling
    March 5, 2020 at 7:20 am

    The best gift you can give to a newly engaged couple-send them to marriage counselling. Some Churches make this mandatory. All of the above mentioned can help to learn what your partner is expecting, your expectations, how to handle important issues, if you are compatible or if the marriage is not ideal.

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