I am amazed at the feedback the first part of this post garnered. But then again, I am not surprised. This is the kinda stuiff that real people should hear. And thank you to everyone that spread word or reblogged. There is indeed love in sharing good stuff and I love you for it. Ok let’s proceed. If you missed part one, please find it here before you proceed to part 2. The message was preached by Pastor Mildred Okonkwo. I have also added a bit of Eziaha flava but the koko came from her… So on to next number …
6. Don’t marry him if he is STINGY. Need I mention that at this point all the ladies started hailing Pastor M? Yeah yeah, no romance without finance ooo don’t kid yourself. But the thing about this is not even for the benefit if the ladies alone. The sad thing about marrying a stingy man is that he would not give and would not also allow you to give. And givers truly never lack. If you don’t give you won’t get. He that waters shall be watered. So both of you won’t prosper and then na una children go suffer this generational poverty. And recall that you guys are transferring stuff and so very soon your own standard of generosity would be him and you would become so stingy. So beyond the man not giving you, he will hinder your progress in life inadvertently.
Now on the part of giving to the woman, the truth is that women have needs that trumps men’s own. She will do her hair and NO it will not cost N50 or N200 or all those ridiculous amounts you men use to have a hair cut. I have heard PK talk about when he and PM go shopping, the budget allows for the woman to take double or triple what he will spend on himself. He knows that while he can buy just one all purpose shoe, the universe forbids same for the woman… We need a different one for work, for church (of course first and second service mean different shoes na), for visiting friends, for going to the market and ah!!! Weddings and birthdays. Don’t also forget for walking around at home. And the colour blue? Yes for men, blue is blue. Not for the woman. *eyes wide open* How can blue be blue? Which ‘blue’ do you even mean sef? Please do NOT confuse us. Do you mean sky blue? Royal blue? Navy blue? Sea blue? Aqua blue? Turquoise? Marine blue? Light blue? Deep blue? Please be specific. Ladies am I saying something here? So except a man wants to deceive himself, he should always know that women are more high maintenance. Of course I am not saying women should be all materialistic and stuff but even at basic level, the woman has more needs.
You know, Bolaji and I were in UI together at some point. He graduated before me. I recall being broke at some point and he had like 5k and he gave me 4k out of the 5k and when I protested he was like ‘Nope, a woman should not be going about without money. It is not good. I know women have needs. Don’t worry I would be fine.’ That was probably the day I decided I would marry this guy… Or maybe it was the day he… Oh well never mind
Ok back to the ‘we do not need N50 for our hair…’
For your own sanity, do NOT marry him if he is stingy biko but always wants to collect from you. You know some men, they can never pay for the cab or bus for both of you. Their wallet is always far and then even when you pay, they now decide to keep your own change for you in their now reachable wallets… Stingy rabbit… mschewwwww
7. Don’t marry him if he is UNFAITHFUL. His eyes follow every lady that looks attractive. Men are looking for virtuous women, so women should be looking for ‘faithful men’. Recall the scripture, ‘A faithful man who can find…’ It is important to God and so it should be to you Sister. You need a man that when you marry him, you can go to bed at night and sleep, irrespective of what planet in the world he is in. Even if a lady picks his phone, you still know that ‘no shaking’. I see ladies turn into all kindsa detective… that heartache is too much to deal with. Methinks it has to be much easier to find a faithful man. By faithful, it means a man that loves and fears God more than he fears you. Some women sha like men that fear them. What of when you are not around? See Joseph na. Genesis 39. The issue he had with Potiphar’s wife. In vs 9 he said ‘How can I do this great wickedness and sin against GOD. It had NOTHINg to do with Potiphar. He feared God and not man. Because if tz you he fears, one day you won’t be there and ‘it will happen’. You know with men, ‘it’ doesn’t have to be planned. The house help may just reveal something and wham! ‘it’ happens. But when a man fears God, then you are good to go. It is the Love of God that keeps him from issues. So funny texts and late private calls during courtship years means you need to be real careful. It almost always happens again. Yup people change but that change has to be a real God-orchestrated change.
On another level, faithfulness can be seen as FAITH FULL… Full of faith. The truth is that challenges would always come up. You need a man who can ‘SPEAK THE WORD’ when the baby is in breech position and command the baby to TURN. A man that when you say you have issues at work, he holds your hand, prays with you and that mountain disappears. Not that when the doctor says the baby might come out dead and the mom’s life too is at risk he will start crying… Even more than you. Mschew. When he could have been releasing his faith and speaking the word. He has to be FULL OF FAITH and not TEARS. Personally i think I cry enough for TWO THOUSAND so me no need no crying man…
8. Don’t marry him if he is UNRULY. No respect or regard for ANYONE… Questions everything including the Word of God. Telling you that pre-marital sex is no sin because hey, you guys will get married anyways. How dare anyone question God’s word really? Beats me. Or those ones that say ‘Do you even know what others are doing in secret even Pastors wey dey preach. Abeg leave matter jare…’ and nobody can talk to him ooo. Especially when he has a lot of money. He now becomes the lion of the tribe of Judah biko nu. Anything he says becomes the LAW of Medes that CANNOT be changed. There is even no authority figure over him that you can talk to to advise him and stuff. Ladies seriously, your man needs to be accountable to someone especially about you. It will even help him behave himself at all times because he knows that you can report him to someone who can put him back in shape. There has to be someone that he can submit to too. For example, with the kinda relationship I have with my Pastors, it really would be hard for anyone I am dating to treat me anyhow. I have cover ooo. They got my back. So when your Pastor or leader says you should always introduce your guy (or babe) to them, it is NOT just that they wanna be nosey, it is to make sure that no one treats anyone anyhow. So if he has no one he respects, I am so frigging sorry for you sweet lady. Like PM said, once while talking to Pastor Sam Adeyemi, he jokingly asked her ‘Hope PK is taking care of you well ooo’ and she said yup and that if he isn’t she can report him(PK) to him(Pastor Sam), yes it was a joke but if you are wise, you would pick lessons from that. No man should grow so big that NO ONE can talk to him, not even his family members and I DO NOT GIVE A HOOT if he is the one providing all the money. Please, that is too unsafe a thing to do.
So please check out the little things, does he submit to authority figures? How does he drive on the road? Does he insult thoroughly every erring driver or okada? Always passing one way and causing traffic? These are the little things that can show you how he deals with authority.
9. Don’t marry him if HE SPOILS YOU. Ok you can tell that this was not very popular among the ladies especially after telling us not to marry stingy men. But that is the truth. There is a difference between spoiling and pampering. He can pamper you yup but really you should marry someone who can tell you the truth if you are wrong and not just indulge your every whim and caprice. You just use emotional blackmail to have your way at all times. For example some women can start crying, or withhold sex and all such babyish stuff. You know you cannot afford the unnecessary aso-ebi of 20k yet you collect it and then come home and cry for the man and he will pay and not insist you go and return it. It is the one the Lord loves that he chastises and so it ought to be the woman that a man loves that he chastises. He should be able to correct you biko. Not that whenever you wanna have your way you just press his mumu button and the ‘mugun mode’ is activated. Ok you don’t know what the MUMU BUTTON is? Have you been living under the sea? Please read it on Pastor M’s blog here
Some men are just weak and some women just allow themselves to be spoilt but the down side is that when the man gives you a long rope, walahi it is with that long rope that you would hang yourself crazy. The same way the woman is spoilt is the same way the children will grow up spoilt too and there is nothing as bad as a spoilt child. A little spanking does no one any harm. In fact didn’t the good book say ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’? Ok that is my paraphrase but you get it. Forget about the child crying, if they don’t cry when they are young, you will cry when they are old. Crying doesn’t kill any child. It only expands their lungs. In Nigeria these days you hear things like ‘oya go and stay in the naughty corner…’ Naughty corner ke? In Naija!!! Why are we doing copy copy biko? Or a parent will tell an erring child to go upstairs to your room and don’t come down again… Ieeee yah… You spank the child jor. That’s a faster way to correct a child sometimes. Not that you brutalize him/her o.
You may be wondering why this is about children. The deal is that a spoilt woman will raise a spoilt child. So don’t let him spoil you. The thing is that a man who spoils you is encouraging a ‘one kain’ relationship. You would start to resent him and very soon one day he would reach his limits. And before you know it. The relationship starts going South from there. The man ought to be angry with your actions if wrong and correct you and not that when you start crying and say ‘But you said you love me yet you are bla bla bla…’ He will now succumb… Hiss much. Me hate weakness in men sha. You can’t just be doing anything anyhow you like at every time. He loves you enough to correct you. Personally sef I don’t like it when men are weak and indulge everything the woman does and I HATE the spoilt in spoilt women. As a woman, the world should not revolve around you jare. NOT!!! Of course there is a balance to it all. Strike it.
10. Don’t marry him if HE IS NOT BORNAGAIN. 2nd Cor 6v14 following says it in no UNCLEAR terms- Do NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This is probably the most important point here. Some women think this quality can be dodged. Then the media helps to deceive them. Marriage will open your eyes. I have a relation whose husband is just something else. Keeps promising everyday that he will change and yet he goes right back to being even worse. And I keep telling her- the only change this man needs is that he becomes BORN AGAIN. If not, all these vices that you complain about he will continue to do because as an unbeliever, what he is doing is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. You cannot demand chasitity from an unbeliever. He does not have it and he cannot give it. The girl thinks my own is too much. Ngwa nu… kai nene… The truth is that being born again means that you have accepted Jesus as the boss over your life and you let him exercise full LORDSHIP. FULL not partial. I also see some born again women who think that their own relationship with God is enough so they hook up with an unbelieving guy. I’m sorry but I doubt your ‘born againism’ if you can actually join your body that Christ lives in and which is heaven bound with that of an unbeliever who the devil lives in and is hell bound? How can they two of you walk together and agree. My Rev Albert puts it this way- ‘marrying an unbeliever is like an eagle marrying a fish. Where will you make your home?’ Your very nature is different from his totally. You guys can’t even speak one language. He will be saying A you will be saying Z and then you think it can work. What relationship can light have with darkness? God created marriage, created the man, created you and now said ‘do NOT be unequally yoked…’ and someone has the right to question that. Me I don’t have this kinda revelation and understanding ooo. In this Kingdom, we do not cross breed. I will say that again, this time in bold block letters. IN THIS KINGDOM WE DO NOT CROSS BREED. We can’t even afford too. It is too expensive. An unbeliever does NOT have what it takes to power marriage. It is like putting Duracell batteries in your phone. It cannot work. Forget all this rubbish that the movies show you and mags say too. An unbeliever’s father is the devil (read your bible). So it means the devil will be your father in law. Normally, FIL’s are allowed to visit, yeah? That means the devil has a right to come and visit you seeing that you are married to his child and trust this devil na… He will come with gifts and stuff like sickness, quarelling, strife, confusion, unforgiveness, poverty, etc. How can any sane lady marry a man that has the devil as his father. God punish the devil (and his mother-in-law).
So if you are a Christian and you love the LORD, please marry a like person. If you are an unbeliever and you love the devil, please marry your kind. In this kingdom like I already said, WE DO NOT CROSS-BREED. Make everybody hol’ im papa name.
You know me I can’t even stand negative people for a few minutes. Not to now talk of an unbeliever that I will live with for life. I have something inside of me that I cannot just join anyhow to anything. I cannot cast the pearls on my inside to any smelling stupid swine. And that should be your own way of living too. All this compromising because time is going or because he is rich and such a catch is NOT WORTH having the devil as a FIL… The guy has to be truly and completely BORN AGAIN… If not, we aint playin’ baby…
That about wraps it up. Like I said at the start, it is not exhaustive. Holler at the Holy spirit to teach you more. Phebe even added some to Part One’s comment. Thank you so much pastor M for this wonderful teaching. Now I need to go and look for and listen to ‘don’t marry her if…’ I am sure PK would not spare us, ladies. When I find it, I would do a post on it. For the guys because I am not a partial someborry.
Anyways I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing…
Cheers n’ Cheerios
PS; I wrote this post about two weeks back. Was too busy to edit and publish/schedule as the case may be. I have since listened to DON’T MARRY HER IF… Yay!!! One thing I was happy to learn is that I am a MARRY-ABLE HER… Woot. Would do a post on it but please darling, DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR IT hehehe. I don talk my own ooo.
PPS; Picture lurvin’ season 4 will be up tomorrow… Yay!!! I have actually scgheduled it for 7am so please feel free to visit before the work week starts ok… Trust me you will need it for the week hehehe. You are welcome…