Good to be blogging back to back. So, I literally have 2 harassers that remind me to blog on Monday based on my schedule… Tolu and Faith .
So I think if you come here every Monday, you will find me sharing deep lessons from my life and walk with God, because of their harassment. Lol.
How are yawl doing? I pray that you are strengthened, passionate, whooping devil butt, running hard after all God has called you to do no matter what. Saying YES to Jesus and generally being a FIREBRAND EPIC Christ follower.
That’s the groove on my own end.
So today, I wanna share something pretty personal I had to struggle with and how I overcame and continue to overcome it.
OFFENCE and the dangers of expectations.
I have MANY stories of offence that I have dealt with but I would share 2.
Now I look back and see how stupid that was but there was a season in my life I used to be offended by my mentor DDK. If you know me, you know how much I LOVE DDK, and really honour her, but there was this time late 2 years ago to early last year that the devil tried to make me offended by her.
In my mind, I expected her to be closer to me, talk about me on her social media like she did others, respond to my messages when I send her, and just generally really BE there for me. It seemed like she would never talk about me (there was this one time she did and I didn’t see it for weeks lol), respond to my messages sometimes after a week, not pick my calls, and more. I mean, in my head, I was doing everything right… I was attending her programs, sowing as I could into her life, praying for her, following and engaging her posts on social media and so on, so why in Jesus name, wasn’t she being more responsive to me?
Haha. I mean I have two other mentor figures in Nigeria that I have access to, Rev and Pastor M and they have my time, so why not DDK? Plus, she is not even busier than them lol. You see as satan stupid?
Frankly, I don’t know when my brain reset and even what led to it because I never discussed this with anybody, not even DDK or my husband. Between the Lord and I, we navigated this together. I don’t even think I consciously talked to God specifically about it, I just deepened my relationship and roots with God and for REAL and then He started to really purify my heart.
I started to lose those stupid expectations. I would still send her messages, but have NO expectations of a response, whether immediate or later, I would still sow and not give a hoot if she said thank you or not, I would still pray for her as a mentor and not even mention, I would attend her programs and not care if I was noticed or not, and good Lord, I didn’t care to be mentioned on her social media or publicly acknowledged anywhere. I literally loved, followed and honoured as expected of me and led by the Lord and then looked to the Lord for the rewards of the seeds sown.
Then I found myself FREE to love, follow, lean in, draw from and enjoy her. I continued to apply things from her life as the Holy spirit permitted and I just lived my own life and kept saying YES to Jesus. You see, today, DDK replies my messages on time these days but even if she took 15 days, I really don’t care. Infact, if I need to share something else, I do, without thinking, ehn but she didn’t reply the previous one. Frankly, I don’t look to her or any human, I just live my life as led by God.
It is not like I do not have expectations, instead I would say I have managed them. Now, all I expect from my mentors, including DDK is that they stay obedient to God and His call on their lives. That’s all. Because God led me to them as leaders and teachers, as they obey, they feed my own faith and walk and then I too can be strengthened in my faith and obedience. That’s all. So, if you listened in on my prayers for them, I pray A LOT that they are obedient to God and even when I send them messages, I THANK them for their obedience. That is really what blesses me, and not that they replied me personally. Now don’t get me wrong, I may have an issue or two that I need their wisdom on and I ask, but even if it doesn’t come from them on time or at all, I always find my answers and sometimes it comes in a post they made online, a message they preached or in their book. And if not from them at all, I KNOW that my answers will come cos I am looking to God, not them.
I won’t take the time to share any lessons from there. I can only pray that the Holy spirit highlights it to you.
Next story, now this is about being offended by someone on your own level.
Or who you THINK is on your own level.
For me, I used to be offended by Stephanie Obi.
Now you must know that Steph and I literally grew up together and from primary school till Uni, we kept in touch. Infact, I was the more outspoken, popular one and she was quiet and would even say things like she admired me on XYZ and all.
We had a real friendship going and it LOOKED to me like I was the one born to be a star lol. I am not sure how life drifted us apart but we still kept in touch as often as we could. Somehow, I got married, life continued to happen, she started her Ankara business and I so supported her. Then wham, at the time I was leaving social media on my personal account, Stephanie started to boom, get busy, get speaking engagements, etx. As she got busier, it looked like I would try to connect and she would take her sweet time to respond, or it even looked like she just treated me as just another person. Even when I tried to maybe comment about the past and all on her posts, she would be so formal or give a simple LOL. Gosh I used to be so offended. Like who the hell did she think she was. Fame is making her proud. Is it not this same Steph? Ah, it affected my self esteem too. I felt like God had forgotten me lol. Me that was the more popular one and now Steph was seemingly doing shakara
Again, this wasn’t something I navigated specifically with God, just like DDK above. As my spiritual roots deepened, nonsense started to be highlighted and I worked towards uprooting them
I am reminded of GAL 5 V 16… If I walk in the spirt, I soon realise I don’t want to fulfil the desires of my flesh. So instead of fighting to give up those desires, I just stoke my God-fire and that fire will burn those little fires down.
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16 NKJV
So, I started to literally have no expectations. Infact I came to terms with the fact that in some instances, we may have been child hood friends but some of those friends WILL progress ahead of me and I MUST not expect that they will still relate with me the same way. It is not pride, that is just life. Plus, seasons and friendships change and we cannot continue to force and chase things down.
We chase down Jesus and as we do, He shows us how to live our own lives, opens our eyes to the AMAZING relationships in our lives we are neglecting cos we are coveting the wrong ones and chasing them down in the flesh.
Hmm. I found that I lost the offence and just started to relate with her without expecting nothing. I would check her page out for wisdom I could apply and read her emails for same. I didn’t have to try to talk to her all the time. I just lived my own life. She had come for my event sometime 2 years ago and that was cos God told me to invite her and even then, I still didn’t have expectations. I kept on living my life. I also started to see that sometimes, people are genuinely BUSY in obedience to what God has called them to do and instead of being offended, I better go and do what HE called me to do too. Infact, I was free to pray for her that she continues to be obedient to God, the works of her hands thrive, God brings her a correct man that would still let her soar, etx. Lol.
Imagine Stephanie reading this and being shocked at me writing this. Haha. But it is a battle I have fought and won. Infact I recall sometime late last year Steph called me and she was just gisting me random of the past, our school days, friends, etx, and catching up on my life. Infact it was me that was quick to wanna get off the phone lol. I was just like and there was a time I felt she was being proud. Lol.
Recently again she came to me with some knowledge she felt I could monetise, (you know Steph is the queen of knowledge and making it into gold haha). I still recall how I was like na Steph be this and na me be this? She was literally hailing me and I was like lol. In my mind I was like, this is something I craved in the past but now it is here and I am not even over the moon about it. It just felt normal to me. Showed you how much I had grown.
One thing we don’t know is that sometimes, all we really need to do is go after our own God given assignments, chase Jesus down, and stop chasing people. As the fruits of our lives start to show, God himself will highlight them to us and if they need to be connected to us, then He will do it.
No need forcing things and chasing things down then being offended if they don’t work, and start thinking XYZ is proud
You see, it is these stupid expectations we have of people that lead to offence and we MUST guard our hearts.
Let us stop being fleshly led especially in relationships, whether horizontal, that is friends on our levels, or vertical up or down.
One thing you must know is that where there is life and human relationships, there is MESS. Why? Because humans are not perfect, even those we consider leaders and mentors. They cannot be. They will make mistakes and be human. It is normal so we must not demand the impossible, that is put pressure to be divine on a human being.
Where there is life, there is mess!!!
Sadly, in recent times, I have seen an increasing number of people offended by me. Some I pick in the spirit (and you must know that when a person is in sync with God and has her hearts right, He shows them the hearts of people around them. I am sure God showed DDK my heart. I should ask her but then she will read this post and come for my entire life lol), and some they confess it to me.
Infact, for some, it manifests in one strife driven action or another. I do something innocently and they lash all the way out at me cos in their hearts, they had been carrying seeds of offence. It doesn’t even annoy me; it HURTS me because you are short changing yourself. You are looking to Eziaha not to God. You are chasing down a relationship with Eziaha and not with God. I don’t even consider myself that important and I mean that to the letter. When I see people do all sorts of things to chase me down, I am like, can’t this babe see that who she really needs is Jesus.
When they start getting offended cos all the flesh led actions are not working, I just feel really bad for them. I used to be there so I KNOW that it is not the way to live.
Infact, some people sow into my life and think that is it, we are now besties. No, we aren’t. I have done that too and have learned my lessons. We sow as we are led and then look to GOD, not the person I sowed to. I gave out a 7figure seed recently and I wouldn’t have cared a hoot if that person didn’t say thank you. Infact, I feel funny when I sow a seed and the thank you is now too much, lol. I am like please shift lol..
Don’t force relationships. Don’t try to be friends with anyone. Be spirit led. If something doesn’t work, don’t be offended. Look to God. Offence just shows you where your heart is, so thank God for the correction and then set your heart back to Him
He alone KNOWS the right people you need in your life and you SHOULD not manipulate the process.
Gosh, I thank God for my friends with whom we enjoy mutuality in our relationship. I mean, I thank them every time for being there for me and just being my shrinks lol. They are all God-ordained and I am thankful for them. Some friendships doors have shut recently in my life, even people I previously called besties and I am not offended or mad. Just grateful for what we shared and trusting enough of God to KNOW that He opens and shuts doors in every season and will always make sure I have the best per season. We miss the treasures in one season when we keep coveting another.
Dear Christians, STOP being offended. We are weakening the body of Christ, the church, as a whole and our lives in particular. Lets all chase Jesus and not flesh-led relationships
Have a blessed week and hey POWWOW is tomorrow. Pray for us and if you are reading this before then, you can still help us publicise. With the flier and this caption:
Domestic Queens are you READY!!!!
Tuesday, March 26 at 10am
Venue is TECO HOUSE, Jabo bus stop, Teco avenue off Jobi Fele way, opposite Otedola bridge, Ikeja CBD.
Register at bit.ly/Powwowqueens
Thank you so much
Also, I did a time-based post yesterday asking you to join my community of WILD SISTERS if you need some fire in your Christian walk. Don’t apply in the flesh cos walahi, you will be so offended lol. See link here…