Hey blog fam,
I feel like I have 7 blogs to write before the year is over. Right now, I am trying to prioritize and see which one God would actually have me share, and which is just me being upset and moved enough to a blog post.
Both important. One importanter.
This blog though is something I know He would have me share so here we go as I relive a few instances that made me cry this year… Some good, some terrible, but all made me better…No picture post…🙂
First, I am a cry-er. I am easily moved to tears whether for a good reason or a bad one. The girl can turn on the water works at the snap of a finger.
Let’s start with the last time I cried and that was Tuesday last week at my meeting with my mentor, DDK. I don’t believe I didn’t get to take a selfie. Anyways, me I went with QUESTIONS and a journal. Matter of fact, I forgot my journal at my sister’s place that morning so before DDK showed up, I went to buy a 20-leaf note book. God punish satan. So, without me giving context so it may not make the most sense to you, an answer she gave to one of my questions went like this…
‘Oh, those who get it are always in the minority. The success of my leadership is that I identify this minority, who are the seed of my strength, and then focus on them…’
Like ugly-give-me-some-time-to-pull-myself-together kinda tears.
I was like DDK, WHY DIDN’T YOU GUYS TELL ME THIS SINCE? lol
And she was like ‘I am sorry baby…’
I cried cos I had not been wise about this, beating myself up that I wasn’t doing enough and then wasting time on a majority that would never get it. Oh, I had been very unfair to myself thinking every time he majority didn’t get it, it was my fault. I was even feeling guilty that I was being led in recent times, to pray for some kind of people, while praying away others. If only I knew about the ‘minority’ .
Oh, but I found a smile within those tears cos I was liberated forever…
In the email DDK sent me after that, she said something that really made me smile…
A few days before then, on the day of Powwow, I cried too. So, my mama Pastor M rang me early that morning. She was supposed to come but she couldn’t for valid reasons so she called to pray for me. Hmm.
What she said…? What she said…?
I was doing my makeup and tearing up.
Nothing like the people you look up to, and call Mentor and Mama also look at you and actually articulate how proud they are of you, even pointing out very specific circumstances.
The tears were a happy one…
One other tear-episode that comes to mind was this time I had a bad quarrel with my husband. It lasted like a week or so. I was MAD!!! I wasn’t just mad, I was SO HURT. It was a time in my life I was having major emotional issues and I truly thought I had lost my mind, and was even talking to someone about it for help, and then this issue comes up with my hubby and I am just thrown into the craziest depth of ‘mind-lostness’. The issue was not really the problem, it was the timing of it all. Not being able to confide in him was painful but I was super mad. He was offended at something I did but he got over it and then came back to apologize but I no gree. I was so mad at his reaction. I was deeply offended and in strife. I couldnt sit before the Lord. I wish I could explain how bad I felt. I knew the enemy was crossing boundary when a very weird idea came to me, so to nip it all, I called my Rev and reported myself. Rev always helps me reset. He put things in perspective for me and prayed with me. Then I reconciled with hubby. That night, I cried my eyes out. And also made up my mind I was done with these stupid vexing. It’s been a couple of months and even though we have had disagreements with potential for fights, we have navigated them very well. No quarrels. Like I said, I am done with helping satan mess with my marriage.
Another incident was sometime in October at the meeting Pastor Enoh Jerry held for Women in Ministry. She said something on friendship and the incredulousness of it all hit me, I had to ask her a question. I knew the answer, I dreaded the answer but I still asked for clarity and confirmation. I started to cry as I asked cos, I heard her answer before she answered. I knew my life was screwed lol. I criedddddddd cos I knew Jesus meant it, and meant me. I came home and continued to meditate on that meeting and that was when God told me my emotions were weak and needed strengthening, and that I need to dig deep into Apostle Paul.
A few days after that, Joyce Meyer’s conference messed up my entire life by her 2nd and 3rd Word session. All I would say is please don’t ever let God tell you that. Don’t let Him come for your emotions. Once He does, the weeks that follow will be screwed for you.
Err, but you will thank Him later.
And emotions needing strengthening didn’t mean I would stop crying easily ooo. Nah. Far from it. I knew what it meant for me and I can boldly say I have been strengthening mehn. And making a few enemies but we will all be alright. I am actually VERY PROUD of myself and at various instances, I have heard God literally tell me (with the most tender look in His eyes) that He is proud of me.
Like I said, everyone will be alright haha.
I have come really close to tears listening to Chris Caine many times this year, maybe cried at some videos.
Two pregnancy testimonies from my friends have made me cry too. One I was at the salon forming tough babe, and that phone call came through confirming a pregnancy. Oh gosh I didn’t stop crying till maybe the next day. I mean how amazing is this God?
OK so I saved the BEST for LAST haha.
That time in March I cried for like 24hours lol. Looking back now I see the stupidity of it all. Like I should have ignored, trashed and blocked the devil and the agent he used. But the good thing is just how much stronger and more resolute that made me… Those tears certainly were not wasted.
One beautiful Wednesday, or was it a Thursday, this human being decided that she had some kind of feedback for me, very unsolicited but I thought hey, you are my person, plus she had been acting up LIKE CRAZY for a while (later on I realized the reason for her acting up was so I could ask and then she could be dignified with the opportunity to reply).
Like hubby or so told me, when someone starts a statement with something like ‘You seem like someone who is too proud to take criticism…’ you should say DEUCES at that point…
But no, I didn’t…
I invited her in to say what was in her obviously devil-infested mind (and I do mean this. The devil came for me using that girl. She was an agent)
Oh, and she let loose…
I really wish I still had that message… Somehow, I lost it. Or did I delete it cos Aijay said I didn’t even need a reminder of the rubbish.
Please bear in mind that this human was coached by me and lost a WHOLE lot of weight. Infact she was one of my biggest testimonies and both of us used to brag about her transformation and she always used to be so grateful and give me regular progress report.
I can’t say I know where that changed and frankly, I can’t even recall so much details of that message…
But basically she attacked my work, my faith, called it useless, said my posts and emails were useless and carried no relevance, I didn’t interact with fellow Fitness coaches because I was too proud to and it was making me irrelevant, people were talking about me, I didn’t follow back my Squaddies and those who connected with me online, Infact it took me 6months after she followed me to follow her back (this was the one that made Aijay laugh and dismiss her), my faith infused in my work was too much and useless, and to cap it all, that it wasn’t really my coaching that made her lose weight, it was her research. Gosh so much rubbish she said then… Bear in mind she literally carried me on my head as her Coach, thanking me often for her transformation. I truly don’t know where that changed, but she even said there were more people who had complained about me, and she names 2 more people I knew (one of whom had battled infertility and so much hormonal imbalance, failed IVFs but got healed as she cleaned up her diet and lost weight, then GOT PREGNANT and whom JOY an GRATITUDE was all I felt for her), and said there were more.
Basically, she finished me, all in the name of ‘I just want to tell you cos I think it will help you blablabla…’
Agent of darkness masquerading as Angel of light.
Let me tell you guys, I CRIED!!!! I cried all evening. I called Aijay and shared the message with her and cried. When hubby got back that night, I cried even more. I called Bunmi of Shredder gang by midnight when I couldn’t sleep and right in the toilet as we spoke, I was crying. The next morning, I woke up and went to my prayer place and let it all out. Cried cried cried. That morning, I rang Rev and gisted him and cried some more. Lol. I was broken. Nay, shattered. Everything I had done with my business had been in obedience to God and in grooming my spirit. It was also a time in business when I was having some issues and then doubts too about some steps I had taken so I was vulnerable. I believed her and actually thought truly EVERYONE thought I was doing USELESS work and was IRRELEVANT. I was ready to shut down my business. That is how bad it was. Infact I was stupid too cos I took some time to explain to the demon in the girl what God had told me and why I had done XYZ only for her to give me some stupid one-liner that made me feel even more stupid. Looking back now, it was ridiculous!!!
Anyways, trust God to give me a Word. It was in Nehemiah. It was an open and closed case. God was SO CLEAR and PRECISE in what He told me. Plus, Rev, Hubby, Aijay and Bunmi all sounded in. Very sound counsel. Then to cap it up, DLA basic was ending that Friday and Pastor Kenny had a WORD for me as he prayed a final blessing over us. It ended it all.
(Side note: DLA is spiritual. Daystar Leadership Academy. If you ever take it, fully immerse, especially on the last day when they pray for you guys. By DLA Advanced, my spirit was ready and as Pastor Kenny released the final blessings, I caught my Word for 2019. Dang)
Ok back to my gist…
Let me tell you guys, that week was when I got the Guardian Contributor gig. The next month, we made almost a million in business and that marked a turn around for CoachE’Squad Ltd. I was now more resolute in my faith and work. Satan had messed with me and I was going to make him pay DAILY!!!
The next month, I used the girl’s picture up on our page and she came to me to say XYZ about something she had NO issues with before. The issue was not that I used her pix, it was something ridiculous. I think she thought she still had an upper hand seeing how I was explaining myself to her the last time. Lol. My treatment and response to her shocked even her. She actually asked me if that was all I was going to say about it. Like she was pushing my buttons looking for more. I was like YES, then blocked her!!! In my head and for real.
She didn’t deserve any real estate in my life anymore cos she was Satan’s agent. Not that I couldn’t DEAL WITH HER very well, because I could, and would have preferred that, but one of the Word God gave me was in Nehemiah where he says…
I am doing an important work here. I cannot leave it and come and be answering you…
So, I couldn’t dignify her with anything again. She was a devil-sent distraction.
That March episode changed my business. We made so much money this year in CoachE’Squad Ltd. We gave out so much more too as vessels of blessing to people. Even sowed my first 7figures seed. As in God placed a real demand on His blessing and I obeyed. I kept telling Him YOU bless me with money only to give it all out, but He tells me He knows what He is doing. And I trust Him.
I pray 2019 is REWARD time ooo. Lol. We had incredibz results and testimonies too. I also faced plenty challenges but that encounter in March toughened me for them.
Today, I feel like sending the girl a THANK YOU hamper. She let satan use her, but what he thought was for bad, the Lord turned it around for my absolute good!!!
Ok that’s all.
I look forward to 2019.
And hopefully a few more blogs before then. If you have something you want me to share on before the year runs out, please let me know. Just make sure it is sensible, and not just you having itchy ears without being willing to be obedient to God.
Ok I will stop lol…