church,church girls,friendship

Can we FREAK OUT (but) in the LOVE ZONE?

Freak out in the LOVE zone!!!

Chilleeee, this phrase did me good when I first heard it. Matter of fact, I already had this post in mind but I was gonna title it CAN YOU DEAL? However, once I heard Dr Caroline Leaf use this phrase in an interview with my Pastor Steven Furtick to explain what I was gonna blog about, I knew the lesser had to bow to the former…

So what does it mean to freak out in the love zone?

First, I’ll have to assume that anyone who is reading or receiving this has some level of spiritual maturity. This is not baby stuff so it doesn’t apply to you if you are just growing in the faith and all. In fact, you are probably allowed to freak out in any zone, and maybe get away with nothing. But at some level, you gotta be freaking out only in the love zone…

Btw, when I say FREAK OUT, I mean like LOSE CONTROL, SET OFF, GO OFF, ETX.

Love zone denotes a calm atmosphere. One where things are not heated, and we are in love, literally.

I’ll explain…

Recently, something happened with a really good friend. In this whatsapp group I belong to, I had said something I didn’t really think had any deeper or subliminal meaning to. But the response that followed. Chilllleeeee, I just started to cry lol. I cried not cos of what she said, but cos I knew I had lost a relationship that was really important to me.

She totally freaked out on me. I couldn’t believe it. Now, I guard my heart like crazy so when things like this happen, I don’t read it a second time, but not this one. As the vitriol was going on, I was copying and pasting to my hubby. My husband is pretty stable emotionally, so I needed perspective. He will NEVER SUPPORT me if I’m wrong privately, so I wanted to be sure I wasn’t losing my mind. Lol. Infact, I recall one time a friend of mine and I had an issue to settle and so she insisted I got my hubby in as a neutral 3rd party. Imagine. She said she trusted him to judge right. And he did. So I forwarded all to him.

I’m gonna respect that friendship so I’ll leave details out but she freaked out on me mehn. I couldn’t believe it. So I told hubby that I didn’t even wanna be a part of this kinda drama so i would leave the group and ultimately, the friendship, at least in this season. Now, someone may look and say haba, I didn’t need to leave the friendship, but trust was gone. I shared my life with this group. It was the most intimate I ever had. I poured prayer points, shared challenges, struggles, the works. So I expected that if there was an issue with me, you should have told me BEFORE HAND and IN THE LOVE ZONE and not when I say one line, I open a can of rotten worms and it doesn’t just rain, it poursssssss.

Now, there is something for

Oh but E’ you don’t know what she was going through, so maybe it was transferred aggression…”

HUBBY said something else I thought was really wise. He said

If I’m having a misunderstanding with you Eziaha, And I say you are so SELFISH, always thinking about yourself. I may claim I said it in the heat of anger BUT I can’t say I have NEVER thought about it, or I didn’t really mean it. Nope, I’ve thought about it and hence it came out of the abundance of my heart. But I wouldn’t say Eziaha you are a thief, a prostitute cos it has never crossed my mind…

So when we lash out in anger especially at people we claim to love, we must take responsibility for our actions. I can’t freak out in the crazy zone and say

‘oh you don’t know what I’m going through. I just had a blowout with my hubby. My boss just upset me. A crazy driver just hit my car. Blablabla…’

And even if I’m freaking out cos of something someone else did to me at that material time, the things I’m saying can’t be like straight attack on an enemy. I can’t suddenly start to say I’ve been wanting to tell you this, blabla.

Lol I recall a Chick freak out on me and tell me so many things and at the end repeatedly say she had to do this voice note to SHOW ME, she wants to really SHOW ME!!! Lol. My only response was laughter and the Word. How can I be building a friendship with you, do things that upset you AS IS EXPECTED cos we are HUMAN, and you don’t freak out with me IN A LOVE ZONE? You don’t sit me down in a love atmosphere and not as a reaction but as a proactive action before things escalate, and set me straight. Not that you keep bottling it in and smiling with me, and one day you LOSE CONTROL and I’m like HUH?!?!?! Then we find something to blame???

Nah!!!

It’s you baby. It’s you.

If I freak out, I own it.

Infact, one thing I have learned to do is DEAL. I deal with myself and my emotions and from there I deal with the situation that needs dealing with.

I deal in TWO MAJOR WAYS…

I either freak out with you in the love zone, or truly overlook it. Cos sometimes, overlooking an offense is love and spiritual maturity. I take it to God and ask Him to help me deal. Cos frankly, I can’t judge people for everytime they upset me. If I love, I overlook. If it’s too much to overlook, I freak out in the love zone. I talk about it but not when tempers are flared or voices are raised. And I even apply this in my marriage now. I’m finally having sense ooo lol. I once heard Pastor Bimbo say how some matters we can discus or bring up after sex. Now talk about a literal love zone. I’m not sure how many issues will last through a sexual experience with godly couples who truly wanna obey God.

But we are talking friendship here…

Like I said, this is mature stuff. If you are a baby, you can vomit anywhere and anyhow. Freak out as e dey do you…

But if say someone like Aijay, my accountability partner comes to vomit all over me, I’m taking it very seriously.

In fact, Aijay is queen of freaking out in the love zone. She will settle anything she feels immediately. And she will make sure she also helps you freak out in the love zone.

One day, I asked five of my friends for candid feedback on my life and even when Aijay brought up stuff I had done which she didn’t like, I knew she never held it against me. She had truly forgiven that offense even without asking. She only dug it up cos I asked.

See, if you have an issue with someone, sis please talk about it. Pastor Sam said something as he preached on emotional health last week. He said all this flaring up, vexing and pouring all our mind out we are doing these days, it’s hormones and hormones CAN BE CONTROLLED!!!

CONTROL AND REARRANGE THOSE HORMONES!!!

Truly that’s the challenge I’m giving myself now. I don’t wanna do transferred aggression or delayed, packaged and pent up anger any more. I’m wiser than that.

These days when I’m about to go off, I quickly check if this is worth it. I don’t wanna lose solid relationships because of hormones I could have controlled.

In fact, I’m practicing something else. In addition to freaking out in the love zone, I’m practising SHUTTING UP in the CRAZY ZONE!!!

If things get heated, I shut up. It’s hard cos I wanna defend myself, but for what??? For who? For why???? Abeg no need. It’s usually pride when we wanna defend EVERYTHING. Just shut up. Stuff has a way of working out ok?

Then when events have cooled down, you freak out in the love zone.

Now that’s a more mature way I wanna handle my issues.

And all that ‘but you don’t know what I’m going through’ talk?

That’s baby talk and I’m learning to DEAL right when I need to DEAL.

Kisses

E’

PS

Visited David’s Christian Centre Island church today for a meeting with Pastor M. I don’t mean to brag or anything but I feel so special to be among a few women she called for a heart to heart session. God is good sha… to me!!!

PPS

Please check out and follow our Instagram page @stayhomemoms.ng

And please I’m banking on our help to promote this event. I’m so excited at what God is set to do in the lives of 100 Domestic Queens. Will let out more details this week, but here is a post with some pre-info

100 Domestic Queens Hangout… Pre-info 🙂

PPPS

I feel like someone here needs to listen to this message

The Orchid and the Oak tree.
Search for it on YouTube. It’s by Holly Furtick and she really throws some light on the kinda person we wanna be in our relationships.
She doesn’t get a lot of preaching time but KILLS when she does

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