Today, I wanna share something about CHOICES and how somehow while welcome on some level, they can start to slow us down if not careful.
That has certainly been something I struggle with personally and now that I am VERY AWARE, I am beginning to win more than I am losing…
My idea of a really good treat is Pizza from Dominos and Ice cream from Coldstone. When it comes to Pizza, it is relatively easier for me to make a choice. They usually have a limited number of toppings anyways.
But when it comes to ice cream? GOOD NIGHT!!!
I am not just SPOILED for choice, I am PARALYZED by it.
I stay there looking through all the 1000 flavors, requesting to sample a good number and then after some good time has passed, I then settle for the 2 or 3 flavors I want, sometimes changing my mind right at the point of mixing. It is crazy I tell you.
I thought it was just normal, till one day, the Lord showed me an ENTIRE lesson right there and how I was taking this into other areas of my life where the consequences go beyond the preferences of my taste buds…
And that is being paralyzed when I have to make REAL LIFE FORWARD MOVING decisions because of the presence of so many choices. Ugh.
Sometimes they are not even equal option choices, but just choices…
Let me drive home some of my recent Choices paralysis… Or analysis paralysis
So, there is a project the Lord laid on my heart for kickoff this year and it would involve me talking to some people. I have started taking steps really, and then the next step for me is to build content for what I would be talking to them about…
My sisters, that’s how I became spoiled for, nay paralyzed by choice…
Let’s say one of those I wanna talk to is Sisi Yemmie, who incidentally is on my list. Because there is SO MUCH I wanna cover with her, as I write those points down, more come to my mind, I write down, then I am like
‘ISH, I have just 30mins ooo, how can I cram all of these AMAZING points into 30mins?…’
Then I start to panic because EVERYTHING looks important and like it should make the cut, then it all gets so overwhelming and then I drop it cos my mind can’t deal.
I mean, it has to be PERFECT yea?
So now, it wasn’t that I lacked motivation, or the tools needed for a thing to be done, it was that I had way too much knowledge, way too much choices and then I got paralyzed by them all.
If for instance, I was to speak to Subomi Plumptre, who incidentally I just got introduced to per investment opps in Nigeria, it would be relatively easier cos I don’t really know anything else she does, but I am only interested in her investment knowledge. I would start and complete the planning and execution process faster and more efficiently.
Limited knowledge translating to limited choices and options.
Oh, this happens a lot to me as a Mom too trying to get my kids, starting with Bro KingDaveed, to be helpful around the house as they grow (Lisa Bevere calls this CARRY YOUR LOAD as a part of the family). So now I have a whole list of things I would have him do, and I even have a schedule per what to do daily, but I got so overwhelmed by the whole thing, especially when it can take him AND ME 1 hour to complete an otherwise 10min task if I was doing it alone.
Think about having to go through various tasks in one day???
I just abandoned the whole thing, especially as I thought everything was important and he has to learn them all at the same time.
Recently, the Lord started to teach me that it is OK to let go of some of the chore options and focus on even if only one per day or per time, then as he becomes more proficient at it, I can introduce another.
And I don’t even have to feel guilty about the forgone option. Per example, if a mom tells me now that her son, who is my son’s age or junior can put away his laundry, I need not feel guilty that mine can’t and now start to force him to learn that. If what we are working on right now is getting him to take him plate to the sink and ‘wash’ it, no matter how imperfectly, then I need to focus on that alone. Later on, I can intorduce the laundry option. If I try to do both, or more, there is a huge tendency that I would get pretty much overwhelmed and then drop it all.
FOCUSing on one option creates blindness, even if temporary, to the rest, and that is fine too.
So, concerning my project, the Lord told me to FOCUS on just ONE or TWO sides of the person I would be talking to, and go as deep into it as I possibly can, even if it means totally ignoring the other sides of the person. Much as I would love to, I can’t cover it all and that is fine.
Much as I would love to, I can’t have all the flavors at Coldstone, and heck, I may even end up choosing the second or third best for my palate at the time, but if it will save me time and the anxiety that comes from having many options, I gladly go for Founders Fave or Strawberry delight (or whatever that signature is called) and happily forgo the rest.
I also think it is a subtle way of the enemy delaying and sidetracking us from our dreams. He makes you wanna do things only perfectly or not at all. Meanwhile shades of grey, even 50 is allowed. Mistakes too are allowed. I could choose Mint ice cream and hate the crap outta it, but at least, next time I wont even look that way.
I could sit with Sisi Yemmie and focus ONLY on her food blogging without considering the fact that she is also a brand influencer, but that’s also fine. Maybe someday, I would have the power to talk about other aspects but for now, it can be a foregone option.
I have also seen the availability of too much options cripple peoples weight loss journey. In their week 1 when they should be detoxing their system with fruits, veggies and whole meals, they are asking if they can still eat gala, chips, lick egusi soup, etx, meanwhile, I am there trying to limit their options and even repeat menu to increase compliance and have them spend less time cooking. Imagine if I gave you 15 different meals to prep in week 1? Lol. How’s that for success especially with how busy we all are these days? So, I limit meals to say 7 or 8 and have some back to back repeats, cos I want you focused and not easily distracted so that compliance and results are more likely.
Doesn’t this also happen with our cloths and shoes? I literally have just 5 church wears lol. I am hardly ever spoiled for choice.
(Me yesterday. You probably know this gown lol)
There was a time I had just about 3, and it never was even a thing to pick one. That choice was made for me by the lack of options. But I recall as a Unibadan student, I had a REAL WARDROBE crisis prepping for church cos my closet was bursting at the seams.
Ditto shoes. My shoe rack was full.
Today, I actually believe in Minimalist living. I clean out my closet A LOT and I actually CLOSE EYE and do it. I try not to be sentimental. If I haven’t worn you in a while, DEUCES boo!!!
I do that with my kids too. The cloths in their closet are all in use, or will be in future use. I do regular overhauls and I keep things tight and balanced. If I bring down new cloths (cos I have a ton stored thanks to my sis), some old ones have to go (My help is steady asking ‘this one too ma?’ lol), ditto when I buy new ones.
I mean, it helps to take out the options that should not even be an option, and then focus on the real options there are.
Hey, I feel like this post is all over the place but I hope someone saw the heart behind it.
The deal is don’t let having too many options be the reason you are not moving as fast as you should.
Lol I am reminded of even when I wanted an e-Planner App and I took to Playstore. I downloaded 6 at once and as expected, it was hard to make my mind up especially as what one lacked, another had so I left like 4. I soon realised how hard it was to handle more than one, so I logically deleted all and left Splendo which I have made work for me, for now.
I know it is cool to say I AM SPOILT FOR CHOICE, but that can quickly tip into being PARALYZED BY CHOICES…
And hey people, I need a Female of 23 and below to join my team as an e-CREATIVE meaning she helps with all our graphics, video and multi-media stuff.
Like our very own Nerd and Geek. Would prefer she is still a student or doing NYSC. If she lives in Lagos, even best so she can pop in every once or twice a week for meetings. My Accountability partner thinks I should open up to include guys too but fingers crossed on that.
Please know anyone? Tell them to send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
And hey, in 2 WEEKS exactly, my Abuja Stay at Home moms meeting tagged FRUITFUL AT HOME will be happening.
Ticket is sorted, Hotel and Refreshments tidied this week and prayers UP!!!
Know any Abuja Stay at home mom? Please send them my way.
Ok have a blessed week ahead yawl.
Today has been HARD. Someone really close to me hurt me so bad and it literally paralyzed me.
Like I stayed in bed ALL DAY. Check out my steps for today at 7pm.
Me that hits over 10k steps at least daily
IT IS WELL with my soul.
I don’t even know how I feel right now, but I have spent a good part of today repeating words of affirmation to myself. And keeping from not snapping at anyone. And getting some work done and praying with my kids for my kids cos I didn’t have power to pray for me. Spoke to just one friend, in no details sef but she prayed with me.
Tomorrow will be better. Amen.