So something funny happened today!!! Laptop of mine suddenly stopped working!!! I didn’t realize water had poured on my table and had collected under the laptop overnight. Anyways, thank You Jesus, I just got the fan and stationed behind the laptop for some hours and went about my day in other ways, aka played with my son. Tried again after my evening walk and it was working again. Yay!!!
But you didn’t come here for my story right? Lol. Well I had to share because if it didn’t come on, we won’t be reading this post cos I couldn’t have typed on my phone biko.
Ok so to conclude THE PURPOSEFUL WIFE post, we have talked about my season as a Single and walking in purpose, the period when I lost purpose as a wifey and got it back, and now while I am NOT claiming perfection oooo, but I can say that I have come into my own to a LARGE extent as a wife and home maker and am building my home like Christ wants me to, while of course, getting better (I hope lol).
What is the biggest thing I have learned in this season? Well it has to do with comparison again but this time in a subtle kinda way.
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us… Heb 12v1
I love that there is a demarcation between WEIGHTS & SIN… This Post will focus on the weights… They may not necessarily be bad but they HINDER our journey and purpose in marriage if we are not careful
Let me drive it home by sharing some convo I had with a friend. So one of the expansions with CoachE’Squad these days is training staff of companies in Aerobics and I am grateful for the doors God continues to open for us. Some times when you go to these companies, A LOT of the Staff do not join in actively, they just stay around and stare lol. And take pictures. Interestingly, the same thing happens in my hubby’s company and HE DOES NOT JOIN either. So I was gisting this friend that my hubby sef doesn’t care and even if I was the one training, it is POSSIBLE that he will NOT join in too, and she was like lailai, that cannot be the case with her, that our husbands MUST support us and our businesses in practical ways like this, and that she won’t accept otherwise. Me I laughed and told her, to each their own, and she still tried to convince me that if he truly was supportive of my career, he would join in. I DO NOT MIND my hubby NOT joining in, and that IN MY MARRIAGE is NOT an indicator of his support OR NOT. I understood where my friend was coming from though. Their marriage runs different than mine and I don’t think her hubby would even think about NOT joining in if she was the one training. I recall when she wanted to introduce solids to her son, she had gotten a meal plan from me so I kept on asking her for feedback and she said she hadn’t quite started yet as her hubby travelled and they wanted to introduce solids to the baby together as a couple. Gosh I was soooo tripped. My hubby COULDN’T BE BOTHERED less about whether I introduce solids at 3 months or 10, and i dont mind. It doesn’t make him any less supportive of me, or less loving, it just means that MY OWN MARRIAGE runs by a different set of rules.
You see, my darling wifey, you MUST pick your battles very wisely. It would be stupid of me to wanna replicate the same thing I see in my friend’s marriage in mine. Oh my, I still recall one time someone I really respect told me not to bother involving my hubby in housework as her own hubby has absolutely ZERO affinity for housework and so she just learned early in her marriage to do it all. Gosh in that season, I WAS EXHAUSTED. No help, a toddler and my hubby was on leave or home for an extended period, CoachE’ had started, and so my domestic work had literally quadrupled. My hubby was DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING besides watching TV and playing with KingDaveed until he needed to be changed or fed when he would hand him over. In other words, he handled only what was convenient while I bore the brunt of EVERYTHING and was still supposed to ‘play ball’ at night. Lol. I was EXHAUSTED and tethering close to FRUSTRATION. Stay at home moms will understand this frustration!!!! The moment I got off the phone, the Lord told me to disregard that counsel as her marriage was different than mine in that season and so I could NOT run mine with her rules. Let me tell yawl what God told me. He told me to leave the house VERY DIRTY, go to the market, spend a LOT of time there, leave hubby with KingDaveed and not even like prepare to completion anything instead leave instructions on what needed to be done, and return very late. I did just that!!! When I got back, if you see the way hubby was hailing me and all I do at home to keep it going ehn. From that day, he started to REALLY help out with the housework and started hustling me to get a domestic help even after he had gone.
You see!!! My marriage, my rules!!! I couldn’t take that counsel just because it worked in my friends marriage.
My neighbor, oh my, I LOVE how she and her hubby relate. He runs his own biz and works mostly from home. He is SOOO INVOLVED… I mean, even when their child needs to go to the salon even in the estate, they will all pile into the car and go together. Market? He takes her and waits for her to be done shopping. Hahaha. I am amazed by that level of involvement. I recall when we were in Bonny, it was WAR to get my hubby to drop me off not to talk of wait for me lol. He would complain and complain haha. Soon I left him abeg. Now, if I start looking at my neighbor and saying to hubby ‘See the way he treats his wife… etc.’ I would just be setting myself up for headaches. Frankly, I don’t even want that level of care lol. Take me to salon and wait for me ke? Haha. For one, I am even in a long distance marriage and when hubby comes around, we have more important things to do and ways to build our marriage than him taking me around.
I recall another time too when I got together with like 4 of my blogger friends for lunch – Dr N, 1Plus (Ayo Thompson), Inthemidstofher.com, and Eloho (stupendous grace). Then Ayo now said that ehen she noticed that me ooo, when I was single, I constantly raved about Bolaji on my blog and social media and even in the early years of my marriage and that now I don’t anymore, and that why do some couples go that way and Blablabla, and that she really likes it when people continue to rave about their spouses online etc. Of course she didn’t mean to make me cry but I started crying. I was like honey, I don’t even get to see my hubby that much so in the little time we see, plus trying to build my marriage, I will not invite all of social media in? Do you know that social media, especially for a marriage that is not well grounded, can be a HUGE DISTRACTION? Before you know it, you start to do things ‘for the ‘gram’ lol. Azzin you do things just because you wanna post about it, meanwhile you are building NOTHING on NOTHING. Now I LOVVVVVEEEEE to see couples rave about each other on social media. I love how the Lindseys are like social media #CoupleGoals. Funto and Gaise are like so too. I’m here for all of that BUT I am NOT moved by that. MY MARRIAGE MY RULES. My pastor Kingsley hardly raves about his wife on social media BUT is that an indicator of the ‘health’ of their marriage? OF COURSE NOT. To each their rules ooo. Don’t kee yourself.
Lisa Bevere is another person who doesn’t rave about John daily but my God, that couple are really the only couple I ever hashtag #GOALS for in my head. I absolutely LOVE the Bevere’s. They can just adopt me as my parents for free.
You see, all the things I have mentioned above are not necessarily bad things or you being greedy like I was in the previous season, nope, which is why we must be careful to guard against it. In the Bevere’s The Story of Marriage, they talk about we all build on the right foundation of God and love and respect, but HOW we build from there up is REALLY OUR BUSINESS.
One of the biggest things I desire from my husband is that he covers me in prayers. Gosh, I just want a man than I can share THUS SAITH THE LORD and no matter how crazy it is, if he is sure it is God, He goes all out for me. You don’t have to give me all the gifts in the world but just HEAR GOD abeg. I recall something hubby told me at the start of the year after I shared what God had told me for 2017 with him. I LOVED that God told Him that because that has become like the COVER over everything I do… Just one Scripture and it covered it all. Now if I am now singing, you must ask me daily how many Clients I got, come for all my aerobics classes, call me immediately after every program or event, pray 1hour over the phone with me, etc., wont I just be deceiving myself? What does LOVE mean to me personally in my own home as opposed to my friends’? what does RESPECT mean to my hubby? What is the PURPOSE of our marriage as a couple ad how can we PRACTICALLY bring that to life in our own way?
So a couple NEVER leave the house without laying hands on and praying for each other, and then you somehow believe you MUST adopt it? No baby. A couple NEVER EVER spend the night apart from each other and you are tensioning yourself cos hubby needs to take a work or study trip for 3weeks, or a couple in Minsitry say they NEVER leave their kids behind no matter what and you are now doing impossible thing to copy them Hahaha. Abeggi, YOUR MARRIAGE YOUR RULES. And sometimes, the crazy thing is that people have a way of passing what happens in their marriage as they build as the norm and almost wanna tension us to aspire to their own RULES. Lol. I love how Cornelius always talks about they must go everywhere as a family, etc. but in recent times, I have seen more and more trips where they have left their kids behind for days and gone off for Ministry, and i smile. On the other hand, John Bevere was gone A LOT on Ministry trips as their kids grew but hey, look at their FOUR boys today.
Was it easy for Lisa? No!!! But she said she knew John was being OBEDIENT to God at the time so she had to leave with it. Wooooo, whatever you choose to do in your marriage, just make sure you are being OBEDIENT to God and building like He wants you to and only then will HIS GRACE cover and protect…
I pray God gives us all wisdom to BUILD in the way He alone wants us to, and also wisdom to PICK OUR BATTLES wisely. Sorry baby but you cannot have it ALL as the world and social media defines it in your marriage, but you get to CHOOSE YOUR ALL, and then WORK TOWARDS HAVING THAT ALL.
If there are typos, pele. I seriously cannot read through again. I am a PREGNANT woman lol