about me,Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo,life as a FAB wife,marriage

#AugustFruitful31.6… My Long Distance Marriage Story

Today, I was still contemplating what I wanted to write about and then a friend sends me a message on wanting me to do a feature on her blog on Long Distance Marriages and introduce me to more Chicks in LDM like me too. That was confirmation that this was what I was to write about.

Happy Sunday yawl. See me turning up every day and everything on the blog. I have team who kinda like help me keep all aspects of my life smoothly running, and as one of them reminded me one day that I was yet to blog, I am like I don’t need reminders on this one. It is kinda like one of those things I know I need to do each day, like workout.

Ok so my LDM story. Can I just be frank enough to say that I am STRUGGLING through this. Don’t get me wrong ooo, I have an amazing marriage but it seems like we just miss out on some things in each others lives’. In fact, sometimes it seems like something is missing. You don’t wanna know the things I hear my friends say sometimes rather casually in a conversation and I am like GOD PLEASE NOW, WHEN WILL WE FINALLY BE TOGETHER?

I mean, I can hear a friend say

‘So my husband dropped me off…’ or ‘So I got home and showed it to my hubby’ or ‘So my baby now went to his daddy…’ or ‘So we went to my son’s school together…; or ‘So my husband called the generator guy…’ and so on

and it will trigger something in me that I have to fight off by faith lest it takes root.

I mean, the little things that some of yawl who live with your spouses take for granted. The odd thing is that I now hear people tell me things like I COULD NEVER BE IN AN LDM. I can NEVER cop. I don’t know how you are coping E’ and in the past, I would get hoe and bawl my eyes off. What some of you don’t know is that statements like that DO NOT HELP. In fact, God had to teach me to have a ready response and be sure to quickly uproot that seed (because yes it is seed, and a bad one because you have not spoken strength to me instead you have made it look BAAAD). So now when anyone tells me that, I am QUICK to say I BELIEVE I AM GRACED FOR THIS SEASON and MY RACE.

It was Rev that taught me that cos I had to go to him when the tears came daily. God knows how many people I have called in TEARS as in major bawling my eyes off to say HOW HARD THIS IS. I am sure I have scared people too when all they hear are my tears before I finally get myself together to make a sentence.

Even the challenges we face are so peculiar. As an entrepreneur, I am thrown major BALANCE CHALLENGES  when hubs makes an impromptu trip home at a time when I have some unmovable or timed projects. Someone can look at the situation and flippantly say that hubby comes first, which is true, but navigating those challenges are never as straightforward as CANCELLING. Sometimes the tension, pressure and even frustrations show. But when I share with my friends sometimes, they don’t get it. So it can be a VERY lonely journey. Like I said, IT IS VERRRRY TOUGH and GRACE doesn’t exactly take away the work I have to put in.

Ok so are there other ladies in my shoes?

Oh first, quick story. Today, I needed wisdom on a particular matter as regards my marriage and I frankly was just FRUSTRATED. I needed wisdom but it felt like something was clouding my mind from receiving it. So I rang a friend and explained to her. The beautiful thing is she used to be in a LDM but now they are together as hubby and wife and she had been through EXACTLY what I was going through and being a Christian, her counsel was ON POINT. In fact at some point she told me, I know you will say I am asking you to let God do X and Y every time ooo but that’s the truth. Haha. And she now reminded me not to nag because I am a virtuous woman. Kai, thank God for Christian friends. The wisdom she imparted to me ehn!!! In fact, a heavy load felt lifted off me and I was soooo encouraged.

Ok back to my question. Are there other ladies in my shoes? In LDMs? How do you guys handle this thing? Is there any community of Christian women online I can join? Can we be friends who uphold each other through this season? Look, I am not talking comedians ooo. Or people who are coming to YES MA me up and down and drown me with their challenges. No!!! I am drowned enough and I also need help and encouragement and even someone to YES MA, so we can draw from each other and pray through and counsel and generally just encourage each other? Or does anyone know an older wife who has been in my shoes or is even still in my shoes but has a tighter grip on stuff? Please older Christian woman ooo. Or does anyone have any book or any preacher who focuses on this? Lisa shares a lot about her early marriage days when John travelled all the time and was home only long enough to impregnate her lol and I have learned a lot from that, but more on parenting and not being a wife.

Help guys. E’ needs help.

eziaha@eziaha.com is how to reach me.

Like I said, my marriage is not in trouble ooo, I am just a wise wife who wants to build better…

Ok see yawl tomorrow by His grace

And yay, i set up my swing and rocker today.

Well for the swing, I kept the cover away to avoid dust, but can you believe i set this up myself? Whoop. Love how my Nursery is coming together beautifully. Plus peek my hospital bag too. Will drop it off on Thursday at the hospital when i go for ANC.

Yaaaay!!!

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Rosebud
    August 7, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    Kai! First babies suffer small sha…especially first babies of couples who are just starting out in life….see fine nursery..choi. E abeg when baby number 2 comes, I will come for tips. Talking about LDM’S… funny thing is that when I was about to face mine I kept on telling myself “babe you can do this after all E is doing it she never quench”….lol. And probably you were crying at those times. You see God uses us even when we don’t know and we are not even up to it. Please when you find the group holla at your sister, because me I was just living one day at , telling myself however I see it today, I will overcome. Temporarily I am with hubby now but not for long. So I need to start building my LDM muscles again.lol. Much love dear.

    • Reply
      eziaharx@yahoo.com
      August 7, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      hahahahaa you are so right. That is why the first borns get a double portion of inheritance because they are the ones who enjoy the least especially for young couples still coming up financially. KingDaveed didnt even have a room talkless of decorating it haha

      Oh that is why we never compare. You dont know how the person is coping with their situation
      I agree that for some couples, they do not have a choice but God graces us truly. Doesnt make it challenge free though
      It is well

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