Like most of yawl, I LOVE the Social media life.
The part where I get to really lean into the lives of sensible people who are gracious with sharing their lives with me, both the profound stuff, and the ‘just for fun’ stuff. Kinda brings us into this awesome virtual relationship which almost feels real. So naturally, you will find me reading clean content whether fun or spiritual that my Squad have shared and I also read comments. I noticed something. Say someone shares this awesome blog and then she gets all the nice comments, the thumbs up, the well done’s etc. Then one character comes and comments something negative, or sarcastic or just plain stupid. She ignores all the other nice comments and feels a need to respond to that ONE stupid comment.
If you are truthful, you have most likely been there. I sure have. And this covers all Social online platforms. I just let Facebook take one for the team…
Kai, I see a lot of ‘cyber-bullying’ go on especially on Facebook. God help you if your post is Spiritual and controversial. They will really come for you. But let me share something about ‘Emotional Energy’
We stress a lot about physical energy and yes, we can’t over-stress it. But there is something called ‘Emotional energy’ and we have just a limited amount daily, just as in Physical energy. We have to be super-wise how we spend it.
We have to *and this is a REVELATION* pick our battles wisely.
Online battles are absolutely useless, pointless and emotionally draining. You argue and defend yourself with humans whose lives have no bearing on yours, yet ego won’t let you.
You sef must show you are right, have the last word, get all ’em RTs and ‘likes’ to your replies and all that absolutely stupid stuff.
Intefering in someone’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ear… Proverbs 26:17 NLT
You may even lose existing relationships (or possible future ones) because you feel a need to massage your ego and ignoring wisdom and the still small voice.
I recall one time on Twitter I was arguing about some political matter. Actually, I tweeted my thoughts and a friend jumped in and countered me. Her tone was wrong, it was my opinion, she had no right to counter in the way she did. But guess what? I didn’t need to get into that stupid argument. At some point, it became like an ego-trip. We took it from Twitter to Whatsapp. I almost lost that friendship over NOTHING, cos I can’t even remember the details of what I felt so strongly about then.
Stupid. Plain stupid.
You know what? We should be allowed to have our opinion and live our lives how we choose, so long as we are not hurting anyone. We should not feel a need to bully people online for how they dress, speak or live. We can disagree without being personal. Or nasty. You don’t need to receive what they post as ‘truth’. They are not forcing you to. Just reject it in your heart and move on. Don’t attack them.
Don’t get personal. Save your emotional energy.
And listen, if you are attacked, or countered, pick your battles wisely.
You can ignore
You can delete
If it is possible to put ONE reply out there barely expending emotional energy, then do. Otherwise, ignore.
There are very many issues in my life I need my EE for and so I have to spend it wisely.
Lemme share 3 instances
I recall dropping a comment on a blog on marriage. I don’t even recall details but this Chick came for my life. She attacked me, my blog, my faith and my marriage.
It was BRUTAL!!!
I responded, not in an attacking way, but to further stress my point and clarify, and then her response got worse. Even the blogger had to ask me if I knew her personally, which I didn’t. But it is obvious she knew me and read my blog, had issues in her home and had just been looking for a way to deal with me because ‘I was in the creche of marriage so I should shut up’.
I was foolish to respond to her at first. Of course I didn’t reply again and I didn’t even bother reading the thread to see who was on my side or hers. It was emotional energy draining and NOTHING I said would have brought her into my camp so I dropped it.
You see, statistics say there are 25percent of people who won’t like you no matter what you do.
Leave them. Don’t spend emotional energy on them. Find the 75%. Or even 25% of the 75%
That Chick was part of the 25% who would never like me and I had to be fine with that, not try to convince her.
I shared a story on FaceBook on having special plates for your husband and letting no one else use it, as a mark of honor.
The feminists came for me.
People that I didn’t even know whiffed past my page, they started dropping comments, attacking my person not just the issue. My notification button kept blinking from FB and as I read, at first I was tempted to respond, then I felt some kinda seeds being planted in my heart. The Holy Spirit just told me to not even read again. And he went a step further and told me to seize the opportunity to advertise my biz since the vultures were on my page, and calling their friends.
Omo, I did ooo.
And I got new Clients.
Talk about wisdom!!! I didn’t even read the comments again. But I shared it to my other Facebook page incase drama started again so I could advertise again.
You have to invest your emotional energy where possible to yield results ooo.
Facebook again. Very recently. I put up my ‘before&After’ picture.
Usually whenever I share something on Social media, I get busy on other things. I don’t monitor likes and views. Anyways I came back to it and saw it had gathered some likes and comments. And then I had some pretty nasty commenters
‘I prefer your Before’
‘All your hips have gone…’
‘Men always want something to hold’
‘I prefer my wife to be fleshier’
No kidding, I was just laughing. Laughing at how stupid people can be.
I don’t know you. I am NOT your wife (thank you Jesus). You don’t get a Vote. Your opinion is totally useless. I LOVE my body. I could decide to LOSE more weight or ADD more weight. My Pictures make me money.
Need I go on?
I wanted to drop a nice godly comment but… #EmotionalEnergySave
Plus sometimes, total silence speaks volumes.
Plus some Chicks who commented need my services so I knew where they were coming from… From a very jealous place so I just smile, say a prayer for you and move on.
Moreover, the picture had a TON of likers and positive comments that outweighed the dramatic. Ditto the post on ‘plates and hubby’. Why do I ignore all the positivity and focus on the negative? Totally stupid, if you ask me.
Oh I didn’t quite move on. You guessed right!!! I posted another picture this time promoting my business.
But my heart broke for people who let cyber-bullying get to them. People, especially Chicks, who let the negative comments from VIRTUAL people who hide behind their phone screens (because data is cheap) affect their REAL self esteem.
No Darl, nobody should have that kinda POWER over another human.
Ah, for where I’m going,
I can’t… I so can’t!!! My personality type is a bit too much. I accept me. But I also know that a lot of people can’t handle me like this. They need me to ‘tone it down’ especially since I wear my ‘Christian badge’ so proudly.
People feel a need to show me how to live… And sometimes, if I ain’t careful, the words can cut.
I have to build walls up and control who and what I allow access in.
I ain’t trying to get approval from man. GOD approves of me. Tz when we start looking for approval from men that we begin to reduce our standards till they get so low a lizard even approves. That’s a waste of time please.
Above all else, guard your heart…
There are some comments we should decide we won’t read.
There are some details we don’t need. At all at all!!!
Now let me tell you something you should NOT do because I have stopped doing it.
You should NOT go to Facebook to look for those pictures and post I referred to so you can read up.
You should not ask me which blog it was.
Why? Why do you want to do that?
Yes you will feed your flesh with temporary pleasure, but you will corrupt your Spirit. You will sow stupid seeds into your heart with reading negative comments and deplete emotional energy thinking on them.
We have to be wise guys. We have to be wise especially in this age of information overload. You do NOT need to take in everything.
I recall driving with my BIL last week and on radio, this actress was on trying to clarify issues about some fund raising turned messy. I went to the source of all news, Twitter and I learnt Linda Ikeji was under fire for XYZ and just as I was about to slide into the gist, the Holy Spirit checked me.
Why? What will it benefit me?
The Bible says we should think on good, whole things…
Guzzling up information and comments (and yawl know those comments go IN!!!) and filling my mind with negativity, planting seeds that have a tendency to become strongholds then I now waste my emotional energy processing them or even trying to uproot. Who knows the one phrase that will poison me bad.
Honey, NOT ME!!!
It is way easier to keep info out than try to uproot.
Guys, we need to grow up
We need to be about the work God has called us to do and take our eyes off what others are doing.
We have to be fine with not giving our opinion or comment even if that person shares it publicly.
Be lavish with your ‘block’ or ‘delete’ button.
But because we will always have fools (and the Book of Proverbs is generous in calling some kinda people fools so don’t think I’m being mean) who will give opinions and get personal in a negative way, we need to make sure that ‘when they go low, we go high’
And by going high, we save our emotional energy and invest it in stuff that really matter.
Heard this quote, I forget details now, of this animal that can take a pig out anytime of the day but it decides that it is not just worth the stink!!!
Truth is, I can take most people out but it really is not worth the stink (the EE draining, my Peace, my salvation, my rep, etc)
Plus we need to let God fight some battles for us. He not only wins, but makes us look good while at it.
My darling, save your emotional energy.
Have an emotional-energy-enriching week!!! Amen!!!
Was LIVE on Inspiration FM today on the Fitness segment with TITI and Dr. Olu.
Totally enjoyed myself.
Plus a couple of my friends called in…
Love this feedback. Thanks Ify.
A friend recorded it and I pray I can listen later and possible share.
God is good!!!
And more to follow. Amen!!!
I took down the Post I did on The FAB Sistership Academy. Will take it back up again. I just wanted to stop the emails for now. We are LIVE now so after 6weeks, I take a short break and we get a fresh set of ladies!!!