So recently, a neighbour, whose name I don’t know and whose house I have never visited to gist but with whom I am cordial and ‘neighborly’, said something to me that was WRONG on every level…
I was returning from picking my son up and I greeted her as I passed and she said
‘…bobo, this your mother that is NOT DOING ANYTHING, yet she will go and drop you at the mercy of other women and sit at home doing nothing…’
I will end this with my initial reaction, my hubby’s reaction, my proposed later reaction and my final reaction but first, let me tell you what my neighbour doesn’t know…
My neighbour doesn’t know that God Himself endorsed my going to enrol my then 15month baby in Daycare and because He did, my Baby is not at the mercy of any human but under the safe shadows of the Almighty…
She doesn’t know that from birth till 15months, (save a couple of weeks I have a help) it has been ME ME ME playing Mommy fully and that it was time to incorporate, birth and nurture the other dreams and seeds God had put within me.
My neighbour doesn’t know that from the SECOND I drop him off, I immerse myself in work until 5pm when I go to the gym and then go pick him up. I do not ‘sit at home doing nothing…’. Matter of fact, being my own Boss makes me double accountable, and so therefore, I am BRUTAL with my time and time management.
Should I explain to my neighbor that even though my radio interview was moved by 2days only, I couldn’t spend 2days extra at my Sister’s away from ‘my office’ so I had to go back home and plan a return to VI for the interview?
Err, she might not get it.
She doesn’t even know that I sleep at 9pm and wake at 2am (or 10 and wake at 3am) and then spend the first one or 2hours , sometimes 3hours just downloading from heaven for my life, my hubs, my kids and my ministries…
Oh dear Neighbor, how will I explain to you that I am in a birthing season of my life and like a woman in labor, I don’t have time to slack or take my eyes off the goals…
Can she even wildly guess that I have the fire in me to deliver FOUR books this year and it takes a LOT to immerse into that writing head-space and just stay there for hours and hours and hours crystallizing your thought into Words that have LIFE!!! And that for early next year, HE is already telling me of the Writing projects I must take up (and I am like GOD CHILL!!!)
Oh does she even know that there have been 3straight days and nights I have not slept because an ‘inspired moment’ needs to be taken advantage of within its lifespan…
Oh and I didn’t pause being a mommy or wifey in those days but I have zombi’d myself around and prayed for second winds (and third and fourth and fifth) because I don’t want to be addicted to coffee…
Oh she knows that my husband is not around and she probably further judges me and pities him because his wife just sits at home and does nothing while he slaves away for the family.
But what she doesn’t know is that even though I stay within the four walls of my home, I don’t sleep and watch TV all day. She would never guess that I have the privilege of being a Food&Fitness Coach and that in July, I had to coach 60 ladies through losing weight.
Can she even imagine how much of my SOUL I pour into Coaching?
Does she know that I allot some time daily to get even more knowledge on this path because even though it kinda jumped on my laps, I also need to be excellent and go for wisdom/knowledge too?
Does she know that I go on YouTube just to watch Jillian’s interviews and jot down points from what she has said and do my own research too?
Does she know?
Does she know that I have a Journal called ‘CoachE’ Diaries’ where I make a BIG DEAL of Coaching by constantly researching, because I encourage my Students to ask me questions and I want to be ready for answers…
My neighbour doesn’t know that only recently, a friend gifted me an Online Course from Shaw Academy on Nutrition and Fitness and that I am currently in School because
‘Eziaha is a CERTIFIED Food&Fitness Coach’
don’t sound bad at all…
Does she know that publicising my business takes me sometimes as much as 2 or 3hours daily and I get exhausted too?
Does she know of all the TV, Radio, Print and Blog interviews and features I have the privilege of being asked to do?
Does she know I have turned down a few, quite painfully, because I didn’t have the time to do them?
Does she know that I have this Green Book, I fondly call my MONEY JOURNAL where I have crazy unbelievable Scriptures that I confess over my Businesses and Blog and Life in general? That I LABOR in the Word and Confessions too and I have to be intentional about it, releasing Heaven’s PA system, and calling forth the media into my businesses and ministries, and declaring that I stand before kings and their loins are loosened for me, because ‘Victories do not come by accident…’
Can she imagine that in the middle of my day, I go put my TV on, not to watch AfMagic or E! but to watch Joyce or Lisa or Bimbo Odukoya or Chris Caine or Shirer or Heather from my flash which is permanently attached to my TV…
Or maybe she thinks that whenever she hears the TV, I am watching Telemundo or Zee World!!!
Oh goodness, can she even guess that for almost 2months, my subscription expired and I didn’t notice at first and when I did, I couldn’t be bothered because it was wasting anyways. I only bothered to renew because I was going to watch myself on TV… (and the Voice Nigeria finals).
I won’t even bother telling her that even the last subscription, it was when Hubs came back that he did it.
TV and I have not quite reconciled after my DETOX but hey, who’s telling her?
Does she know that I invest some good time reading and that when I read, I ENTER the Book so I can read one Book for One year because I need to FULLY GET it and practice it.
Does she know that when it comes to TIME MANAGEMENT, I am BRUTAL!!! That a lot of times, I deliberately keep my phone on Silent mode and turn it face-down because I can’t take calls or chat at that moment.
And that even though I spend some time on Social Media because it is both Work and Ministry, I keep the Social part to a healthy minimum.
Infact, she would never guess that I have hours when my data is turned off so that I am not even tempted to check what someone has posted on IG… And hey, data ain’t my problem because Spectranet keeps rolling it over and I currently have over 50gig Daytime data and unlimited night browsing, but I still don’t waste time online…
Has she heard about it before? Does she know that if she leans into my life a bit, she would know what it is to have the ability and means to gratify yourself but be disciplined enough to say ‘NO THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT’
Does she have an idea how even though my baby is not home, and my hubs is away, I don’t stop being a wife and a mom and a homemaker? Does she know that I see my home as my FIRST ministry and so I am constantly praying and reading and applying wisdom in building this home?
And that even though my hubs is out there working, I have to be sure that I am being a prudent manager of the finances of the home in a way that puts him under absolutely ZERO PRESSURE and that means I have to be best friends with the Holy Spirit and take constant lessons on financial prudence.
Oh she doesn’t know that I deliberately look for videos that talk about being a good mom, raising kids in a godly way, being a healthy support for your husband, managing the finances of your home, and so on ALL FROM A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE???
Does she have any idea just how much energy I pour into that? Does she know that striking this balance as a Woman is a continuous thing and that I harass my Pastors and Mentors a whole lot just to gain wisdom from their many years on me?
Oh dear Neighbour, do you know that I have this absolutely AMAZING blog whose impact and reach just floors me? That one blog post takes me nothing under 3 hours to write and sometimes as much as 5hours, because I have to write mini-books? Lol.
And that i invest prayers into every post?
And that on the platform of this Blog, God has enriched my life with the most amazing relationships which have to be nourished and defined with wisdom?
Oh and that I have incredible mentees who really are at seasons in their lives where they need my practical counsel on a whole lot of things and so I stay pouring into them?
Not just with Words but in prayers too.
And of course, how would she guess that I have BEST FRIENDSHIPS that I also have to nurture and nourish which entails better time management because GIRL FRIENDS ARE THE BEST!!!
Oh she has no idea how I LOVE visiting people and hanging out but I wish I could tell her how many Social or even Spiritual gatherings I’ve turned down because they came either impromptu or during my office hours…
Oh my life. My CRAZY life that God takes and makes this BEAUTIFUL…
There is a LOT that my neighbour doesn’t know and from her very limited point of view, she had washed, hung and dried me out with JUDGEMENT!!!
And this would be her second time of poke-nosing in my biz. First time was when my baby turned one and she told me that now he’s one, I need to start looking for a job ooo.
So this second time around, after I had some time to think about it, I knew this was crossing the line.
My initial reaction though was to smile and keep moving. In my mind, I just thought ‘…if only she knew…’.
I didn’t feel a need to say anything to her. But when I told my hubs, he said that such behaviour should be corrected because she may not even know that what she is doing is absolutely wrong and she may say that to someone who won’t react even remotely like me, so this needs to be stopped.
(My hubs is WISE walahi… i am SPRUNG)
My anger was very delayed, I must say, so I started to plot my response.
Revenge is best served COLD!!!
I knew she would speak again in that wise so I waited patiently with my plan.
It went something like
‘…Madam, you won’t even believe that after dropping him off at the ‘mercy of other women’, I still get someone to clean and wash for me so I don’t do anything AT ALL at home and if you don’t mind, I would like to ………………………….’
And because the part B of that statement hit way below the belt, I won’t share it here lol…
I didn’t even share with my hubby what I was going to do cos I knew he wouldn’t approve. And I certainly didn’t check with God either. But trust a divine interruption when I go before Him in prayers. He just totally CHECKED me with Colossians 4: 5 and 6 (an exegesis on this deserves an entire Blog post) and I repented and found a better way to communicate my displeasure, without ruining my witness.
Plus why does Michelle Obama have to keep giving me LIFE GOALS????
Now God keeps flashing that part of her speech to me every time
..No our motto is when they go low, we go HIGH…
The way she even said the ‘high’ made me repent.
Trust me, I had a really low blow as my comeback…
Now let’s drive this a bit home, because it truly did cause me to look inward at those times when I have judged others harshly, even if in my mind, without having all the details. One of Propel Woman’s definition is
She’s UNJUDGING… Of the choices and the priorities that others make in different seasons of their lives…
Trust me, that’s my favourite definition of the Propel Woman because this is something I can easily slip into if I don’t check myself. Now I am not a blabber-mouth and won’t go about giving my opinion where I haven’t been asked, but what of those times when I judge them in my heart, and then react in subtle ways that come from that place of judgement.
Can I just sincerely tell yawl that I used to secretly judge women who kept their babies especially 3months or even below, in a creche just to go to work??? It never made sense. Now, hmmm, God knows I don’t have any guts to dare judge another mom and and choices.
God has done a deep work in my heart with that I must say but we should continually do our Open Heart surgeries https://eziaha.com/2016/03/13/my-open-heart-surgery/ from time to time to be sure the devil ain’t planting no tares.
I do believe things should be judged though.
OF COURSE, things should be judged, and by that I mean evaluated, reviewed, etc BUT I don’t think we should be the Judge of every matter. Think about the Law and those whose make a career judging cases. They don’t judge without all the details of the case available to them. They keep perusing and debating a matter before a final judgement is passed because they do not want to commit errors in judgement.
They QUALIFY to judge. They have the degree, the years of experience, the information as much as is humanly possible, after which they judge!!!
Many of us may know Nelly of the IT WILL END IN PRAISE fame.
Nelly has been on her weight loss journey for a while and she was one of those from whom I drew inspiration and learned while on my own journey. Now how easy it would be for any of us to sit and judge her weight until one day she shared a story of how her son had this issue at birth and had to be operated upon and so on…
Now which mama is thinking of actively losing weight when she is on a struggle for the life of her child?
Certainly not me!!!
So don’t just jump into judging a matter. Ask yourself first, AM I QUALIFIED?
If you aren’t, just let it go. Save your emotional energy for something else.
Like maybe teaching yourself and your kids manners and boundaries.
The simple truth is a lot of things are NOT OUR BUSINESS and we have to be fine without feeling a need to just let it go and not advice or Judge.
Here is something you can do though, especially if you feel so strongly about a thing…
P R A Y!!!
Pray to that Perfect Judge. God!!!
Cheers… to minding your own businesses, all day, err’day!!!
Maybe one of the BEST interviews I ever granted yet
Kachi did an awesome job and i’m thankful to have such a brilliant writer in my corner.
Show some love in the comments section too let Kachi and I know what you think… And subscribe. Her blog is amazing.
Happy New Month guys.
August looks super fast paced for me so hey Super Woman- Super SUPER God mode activated.