The grace of God has appeared to all men…teaching us to say NO… Titus 2: 11, 12
If I remember correctly, I was in 300level when this senior friend of ours gave birth and as expected, we were all itching to go visit and see the baby. Like a FABer said, babies bring out the mush in us. Anyhoos, seconds after she was out of the hospital, we had planned our visit. We were a group but due to our different schedules, we appeared at different times, I being in the former group. She and her hubs played hosts to us wella but hubs to a larger extent. By the time we were good to go, the new mom was inside and the second set were arriving. Now we later realized that the woman didn’t come out all through their stay ooo. Ah, one of us was really vexed that she took the pain to come and greet her and baby and she now didn’t come out because she was TIRED and so was RESTING.
Frankly, I don’t remember how I felt/reacted when I was told but fast forward to say 4years later, I CAN TOTALLY RELATE.
I was talking to a dear dear friend of mine sometime last week and I realised she was stressing herself out and it was beginning to affect her health in a way that was unprofitable to her. I just kept telling her that she needs to make major adjustments to her schedule. Isn’t it funny how when we give all the time to some other activities, saying YES to things we can politely turn down at the expense of say our health and well being, someday if we break down and end up in the hospital, people find a MIRACULOUS was to move on without us, and all those activities somehow get done?
You see, that’s part of what God’s grace teaches us to do, SAY NO where wisdom and common sense demands that you do.
You see this thing called BALANCE, we should all strive to attain it in all areas of our life. If there are activities we need to drop, let’s do so without feeling guilty.
Like my husband reminded me recently of the scripture that says ‘All things are lawful but really are they expedient/helpful/beneficial to you?’
I mean, stuff doesn’t have to be SIN before you turn it down flat ooo. Tz just good ol’ wisdom. You don’t have to please everyone ooo and news flash, you can’t even please everyone.
If there is a wedding that you cannot attend, it is ok to send your apologies and say NO politely
If there is an asoebi or whatever you cannot afford, tz perfectly OK to say NO and frankly, you do not need a long explanation especially when you think tz super pricey.
If there is a visit you cannot make or accept, say NO and reschedule where possible.
Turn up/Hang out and you know you would rather just sit this one out at home and you know, turn up another time, please my darling, TURN DOWN and say NO.
If you cannot afford XXX for your wedding/party/whatever and you are being pressured to do it, sweetie you can actually say a BIG FAT NO!!! People pleasing is sooooo 19th century. NO is the new COOL.
I had and read this amazing book, 7 habits of highly effective teens by Sean Covey as a teenager and in one of the chapters, he writes about the TIME QUADRANT using illustrations. Four types of people feature – The Prioritizer and the YES MAN help my post.
The former is the kind of person I strive to be. You do the most important things and turn down politely what falls lower on your priority scale. But the YES MAN just does anything that others ask of him because he doesn’t want to offend anyone but at the end of the day, he is the one who is affected the mostest. I recall the illustration of him was someone who had many faces facing as many people who were asking him to do stuff and his answer to them all was ‘of course, sure, yes, etc’ Ugh!!!
Like I mentioned above, babies bring out the mush in most of us and so I had quite a billion calls and frankly, I let most ring out without picking. Then most people wanted to visit immediately but I had to politely mention that I was not receiving visitors yet and would let them know when they could visit. I wasn’t going to be Super woman. I pushed out a 4.4kg baby and trust me when your body does that, your body has done some REAL WORK. I recall it was Dr N who told me that i need plenty rest ooo so I better get off the internet and stop feeling like a super woman hehehe. Plus some stuff came up which meant we were in the hospital for an extra week. Plenty back and forth trips to the hospital at unholy hours for me. Finally we were home Monday and Christening was Tuesday morning and it lasted all day. I didn’t even tell any of my friends about the christening because I knew I would be a terrible host so it was mostly our parents’ guests. My head didn’t stop banging for an extra week because I was super-duper stressed. Of course, I was on 24/7 call with my baby so frankly, I knew I couldn’t receive any guests till I was OK.
There was an incidence where some people came and I couldn’t see them cos frankly I WAS TIRED and I didn’t even know they were coming. I recall a dear friend who I told I wasn’t ready for visitors yet and how I couldn’t even get myself to open the door for some when they came, trying to psycho-analyze me and was asking me if I have thought about why ‘the usually cheerful, bubbly, everybody-can-visit-me-anytime’ Eziaha feels the way I do when I told. Mehn, when I was done telling her everything that had happened, she understood lol. Funny how even before now(aside that uni visit i mentioned), before I visit anyone who has had a baby, I always ask them if it is ok to, and if they say NO, I siddon for house till it is convenient for them. Or I wait till I know time has passed wella, say like a month and then visit. Not days after. But that’s probably just me. But I also have some older friends with kids who say the same too. I guess na we newbies and singles and moms-in-waiting who e dey shack pass. I have even seen someone who in pregnancy would not come down for any impromptu visitor if she is resting especially if she knows you can call again. Infact someone has done it to me before and I didn’t feel bad, maybe cos I had other business there too. I mean, know what works for you o. It is lawful but is it beneficial or helpful to you.
Now imagine if I wanted to play all Ms Nice girl, pick every call, respond to every whatsapp/text message in real time, say YES to every person and let visitors keep trooping in and out of my house at those early days, no time to let the body rest/relax, frankly I would have broken down and ended up right back in the hospital. I know there are women who have had incredible strength post-delivery and as dem dey enter from hospital, they are opening doors to an endless stream of visitors. God bless them. To each her own. I wasn’t trying to prove anything. No baby, I have the Holy Spirit biko and he teaches me to say NO… Of course, now it is ok to visit.
I dunno what your own situation may be. I just shared my story to drive it home. Apply as applicable lol.
Heavens help us to say NO when we need to say NO, amen.
Thank you everyone for all the kind wishes and prayers on my last post. Plenty amen. God bless y’all
My lil Royal’s name is KingDaveed Oluwasemilore Somtochukwu
KingDaveed- The one who rules and is beloved by God. ONE WORD ooo. Pronounced DAH-VID not DAY-VID. Tz the Hebrew way of spelling and pronouncing not just a funky way.
Oluwasemilore: God has done me well/a favour
Somotochukwu: Join me in praising God
I recall all the drama at the naming when we mentioned the English name. Kept telling them, even afterwards, that if you pronounce it wrongly and/or without the King, I no dey answer ooo. And i will teach him too to make sure everyone calls him that. Everybody at home has gotten it right. ALL HAIL THE KING… KingDaveed
My booboo even gave a smile and did a lil’ shoki dance when Baba won. Lol
I am just thankful for a new President and attendant peace. God bless Nigeria and God help him/them.
I had to put Zahra and Kiki’s pictures because i think they are BAE mehn hehehe
Someone needs to hook me up to Zahra… #ElloBae 🙂